Aj Schwanz

So, I last left you with the question of what it would be like for a faith community to sabbath for a year:

• What would that look like?
• What could be revealed during that time?
• Where could God take a group who was willing to lay it all out on the table, let God gets His mits all over everything, and wait to receive?
• Do we really believe that all we do as a church is God’s and for God? Or is it for us and of our own power?

During December I read the book of Isaiah. While everyone else seems to be immersed in Luke, I felt called to look at the “primary resources” behind our Advent readings and meditations. Each day I would read a chapter, trying to figure out what life in Israel and the world at that time really looked like, hoping that would give me insight into how Isaiah’s words might have impacted the Israelites in their day-to-day living. Over my bowl of Bob’s Red Mills high fiber hot cereal with almonds, flaxseed, cinnamon, and blueberries, I’d read and ponder and move on with my day.

Until one day: the day I hit Isaiah 58. The title of the section was “True Worship”. I thought, ‘How applicable to my situation where I’m on a task force discerning the next steps for worship in our community!’ And I ate my gruel and moved on with my day.

Until the next day. When I sat down, gruel in front of my, along with my happy light, and I opened up to Isaiah 59. Except that my eyes went back to Isaiah 58. I tried to move them back down the page: they did not want to budge. It was like that moment in Friends when Chandler proposes to Monica the first time, simply because they had had a fight and he didn’t know how to apologize or make up: everyone was in the room and groaned and turned away except for Rachel who sat at the kitchen table with her hands pressed against the side of her face staring and muttering, “Oh, oh, I can’t not look at it!”

I couldn’t not look at it.

Same thing happened the next day. And the next. And then one of those days happened to be a Sunday, and so I read it during most of church, wondering if I was meant to share it in service.

But no: I was meant to share it during that afternoon’s Next Steps meeting, when I sat silently stewing most of the meeting until finally someone asked if I had something to say (sigh: seriously - don’t they know better?) and the floodgates opened. I can’t remember all I babbled about - it was a bit of a roundabout (shocking, I know). But I do know that at some point I read Isaiah 58 to the group. Actually, I sobbed it out, having to pause because I couldn’t read through the tears (I remember shaking my head to try and get the tears out so I could move on because, dang it, Holy Spirit, couldn’t you move me in some other way so that I’m still functional and understandable? And not quite so soggy? :)).

Isaiah 58

Fasting that Pleases God

1 “Cry aloud, spare not;
Lift up your voice like a trumpet;
Tell My people their transgression,
And the house of Jacob their sins.
2 Yet they seek Me daily,
And delight to know My ways,
As a nation that did righteousness,
And did not forsake the ordinance of their God.
They ask of Me the ordinances of justice;
They take delight in approaching God.
3 ‘ Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and You have not seen?
Why have we afflicted our souls, and You take no notice?’

“ In fact, in the day of your fast you find pleasure,
And exploit all your laborers.
4 Indeed you fast for strife and debate,
And to strike with the fist of wickedness.
You will not fast as you do this day,
To make your voice heard on high.
5 Is it a fast that I have chosen,
A day for a man to afflict his soul?
Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush,
And to spread out sackcloth and ashes?
Would you call this a fast,
And an acceptable day to the LORD?
6 “ Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’

“ If you take away the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
10 If you extend your soul to the hungry
And satisfy the afflicted soul,
Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,
And your darkness shall be as the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
12 Those from among you
Shall build the old waste places;
You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach,
The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.
13 “ If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath,
From doing your pleasure on My holy day,
And call the Sabbath a delight,
The holy day of the LORD honorable,
And shall honor Him, not doing your own ways,
Nor finding your own pleasure,
Nor speaking your own words,
14 Then you shall delight yourself in the LORD;
And I will cause you to ride on the high hills of the earth,
And feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father.
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.”

What I didn’t know until after I shared is that another church in our area has been praying this scripture over NFC for almost two years, specifically verse 12 (which stood out to me on my initial reading as well as another person in our group).

A member of the task force suggested we sit with this scripture as a group. We did. As we prepare for our upcoming fast, I wonder if others would be willing to think on Isaiah 58 as well, holding up Newberg Friends as well as your own faith gathering if it’s different. What stands out to you? What strikes you? What convinces you? What does true fasting mean to you?

This weekend Jason and I got a break from our little Turbo Tyke while he spent the night at Jason’s sister’s house. Did we spend our time staying up late, going out to dinner, enjoying long strolls, dancing until the wee hours, going to hear cool speakers like Brian McLaren, playing video games until dawn? Not so much. Instead, we both attended our respective boards: it was Northwest Yearly Meeting’s annual MidYear Boards. Jason presented an introduction to the new Yearly Meeting website; I tried to keep Trey and Shawn from distracting Jason by praying to “Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces baby Jesus, new born, not even spoken a word yet” during the presentation.

I must admit: I had a bad attitude going into the weekend. Thanksgiving and gratitude were not the top characteristics of my demeanor. The boards have been reorganized, and very few folks know what’s going on, especially with regards to my board (Local Outreach). Seriously: we looked at the budget, trying to make budget plans for 2008, and could barely figure out what we were spending money on this year, much less try to dream about what sorts of funds we’d need in a year plus. We could dream up all sorts of programs and resources, but if it’s not what the faith communities *really* need, then what’s the point? Who are our faith communities we’re serving/representing anyway? A number of us questioned about being on the board: should we just go back home and work in areas we can actually be useful in?

But I think we can all be useful: we can share our stories from our worship gatherings, our local areas, our past experiences. We can call out themes and leadings we see happening locally and Yearly Meeting-wide. If only we can stay awake during our meetings (man, they’re long).

The conversation of “numbers” came up multiple times. For some folks, hearing “numbers means growth” is a practical, linear statement: healthy organisms grow. For others, it makes them remember attractional experiences when they were brought into the church and left out to dry: “They kept hammering, ‘Bring your friends!’ into my head, but why would I do that when *my* needs weren’t even being met? Why would I bring friends there to be hungry like me?” The communication issue grew with the folks who’ve had good experiences with growing numbers: “We bring them to Christ. We disciple them. We help them grow, in practical ways such as budgeting and in spiritual ways such as prayer and healing. They in turn bring their friends because needs are being met.” They were talking about the same thing, but the words cause major blockage.

One of my blockage markers: “We need to grow Quaker churches.” I know: how could that be a block for a ‘raised in the Quaker church’ girl such as myself? I must be honest: I don’t care about growing Quaker churches. I care about furthering God’s Kingdom, calling folks into Kingdom living, whatever that may look like. Again, the board was divided: it was somewhat fun to have the Area Superintendent in on our conversation at that point: he really cares about growing Quaker churches. Before the furrowed brows became too engraved, a friend spoke up, noting that he does enjoy the Quaker tradition, but he thinks of the distinctives “not as some sort of trophies or awards or plaques to display on the wall, but rather tools we use to indwell/embody Christ to others.”

And that made my weekend totally worth it.

This past weekend Northwest Yearly Meeting had their first ever all-board retreat.�� At our annual sessions it was approved to create new boards and start from scratch with board members:�� a massive undertaking.�� This weekend was the first time for us to gather together, to look at the purpose and vision of our board, and to dream of how we’ll work together (both individually within our board and collectively with other boards and the Yearly Meeting as a whole).�� Sounds like oodles of fun, eh?�� Well, when you spend your time scouting out the best deal on mandarin oranges and wondering what in the world your child ate that could make his poo smell oh so foul, the idea of meetings with adults doesn’t seem all that bad.

The best part?�� Connecting with the individuals who were present.�� So many seeking spirits, so many dedicated individuals, so many folks saying, “I’m not quite sure how I’m called, but I’m here none the less!”�� The themes I heard through the weekend:

• questioning:�� but a questioning that involves trust and faith rather than doubt
• excitement:�� “leaning into the harness, raring to go”
• doubt:�� does moving “bits and pieces” really make a difference if the people of the Yearly Meeting aren’t living out Christ’s call to “Go!�� Feed my sheep!” in their everyday lives?
• isolation/loneliness: �� an ache to connect with others who are questing and questioning as well
• hope:�� when the people of God are gathered together, something is bound to happen

I chatted with a number of folks about a variety of resources I’ve found helpful in my own personal journey:�� very random in nature, but I figured I’d throw it up in one solitary post a) because I’m lazy, and 2) because it’s almost dinnertime and I’m hungry.��
Labyrinths: �� an interview with Jonny Baker of Alternativeworship.org

Women leader resources:�� Convergence, a gathering of Northwest emerging women leaders in January

Random helpful books:�� Emerging Churches, Emerging Worship, The Shaping of Things to Come, Exiles, The Present Future, The Secret Message of Jesus (especially the last chapter “Plotting Goodness”), Cultivating a Life for God

Some worship gatherings that seem to “get it”:�� Evergreen (check out the pastor’s blog:�� good stuff, especially on community), Church of the Apostles (Seattle), Jacob’s Well, Solomon’s Porch, Vineyard Boise

This is SO not definitive.�� And yes, it’s relying heavily on “emerging” sources:�� but that’s where I’ve found folks who are actively asking, seeking, and knocking.�� Hope it’s enough to get you started.�� What are some books/websites/gatherings/resources that have really shaped your current lifeview and challenged you to keep questing for those “Oh, there you are, God!” moments?�� Keep the ideas flowing!

For the past few years I have been a member of the Northwest Yearly Meeting of Friends Churches’ Board of Evangelism. Sounds a bit odd for someone who spouts off about doing church in new and creative ways, eh? When I was in a very much seeker phase (not fully connected with my church, not sure if I wanted to be connected with a church), a friend advertised openings on the board. He was employed by the board, and since I really respected the sort of stuff he was doing (discernment, leadership development), I figured: hey! This could be interesting.

And it has been. The glow and infatuation with my first foray into the Adult Yearly Meeting World turned to confusion with bits of frustration and apathy thrown in for good measure.

“Yay! I’m in a place where I can be effective and helpful in offering gifts and really doing God’s work at a bigger level!”

“Wait. We just sat through eight hours of meetings, and I can’t remember ever really noticing where God’s moving. How many times do we have to look at the budget, and why can’t I tell if we’re in the black or red?”

“Simple church does not have to be a house church! And no: numbers aren’t huge. Missional is in for the long haul: it takes time! When have you done anything recently that begat big numbers? Hmmm?”

“Another meeting. Another budget. Is this last year’s agenda? It looks familiar . . .”

It was interesting a) being one of three girls, 2) being the only young adult and iii) being Joe Gerick’s kid: three strikes, you’re out! I figured I could say whatever I wanted - the only way for me to go was up. And so I did talk. Folks used my token young adult status to question why young adults no longer went to church. Some actually saw a compassion in my sharings and encouraged me to continue seeking. I heard stories about folks working outside of the box, truly living in the Spirit; but I also saw how poorly we were equipped (or willing) to support them.

This past week members of the Yearly Meeting approved a restructure of the organization: positions, moneys, boards. Duties were shuffled, combined, created, and eliminated to create brand spankin’ new boards. We’ve been asked not to say things like, “The Local Outreach Board, i.e. the old BOE and Board of Peace and Social Concerns”: we’ve been asked to look at them as new entities. That’s hard to do.

I wasn’t a part of the approval process: I heard about it at MidYear Boards, but I didn’t attend community meetings or the business meetings - the notion of the potential squabbling over details made my stomach crunch. I do have a concern that I see no obvious place where out-of-the-box ministries and callings will be affirmed and nurtured: I never said anything because I sensed that a pat answer would be provided (Oh, it will fall under here or over here). But, it doesn’t seem that obvious to me.

I also didn’t speak up because I’m at peace with what’s happening. It appears that these types of works, if they are to take place, will have to occur on the local level. Maybe that’s where it should’ve been happening all along. Just like many Quakers fear having a paid pastor because the congregation might slack on their individual ministerial duties (oh, we’ve paid someone to take care of that stuff), I wonder if an atmosphere of apathy towards being relevant in our cultural context has been created due to thinking, “Oh, the Yearly Meeting takes care of those callings.” But now: it doesn’t seem obvious to me that it will be happening at the upper level: local meetings are going to have to step up.

“However, there are other voices that express real hope — not in the reconstitution of Christendom, but in the idea that the end of this epoch actually spells the beginning of a new flowering of Christianity. The death of Christendom removes the final props that have supported the culturally respectable, mainstream, suburban version of Christianity. This is a Christianity expressed by the “Sunday Christian” phenomenon wherein church attendance has very little effect on the lifestyles or values or priorities expressed from Monday to Saturday. This version of Christianity is a facade, a method for practitioners to appear like fine, upstanding citizens without allowing the claims and teachings of Jesus to bite very hard in everyday life. With the death of Christianity the game is up. There’s less and less reason for such upstanding citizens to join with the Christian community for the sake of respectability or acceptance. The church in fewer and fewer situations represents the best vehicle for public service or citizenship, leaving only the faithful behind to rediscover the Christian experience as it was intended: a radical, subversive, compassionate community of followers of Jesus” (Exiles, Frost 7-8).

I can mourn the “loss” of the board I participated in . . . or I can look around to see how God is redeeming this change to move in new, incredible, hopeful ways.

God’s moving: there is no doubt of that. The question is will we join, or will we be too busy rearranging our organizational furniture to notice?

The 114th annual sessions of Northwest Yearly Meeting of Friends Churches are coming to a close today.�� I’m pooped.

Barclay Press has been very gracious in extending an invitation for me to write for their Daily Journal:�� apparently they didn’t get enough “How to Find God While Your Son’s Diaper Explodes” stories.�� :)�� At first I thought Yearly Meeting week would be too crazy to write during, but then I thought, “Hey, crazy fodder to write about!�� Sweet.”�� When I ran the idea by them, I was given nothing but affirmation to write about what took place.�� So kind.

I’ll write more about my Yearly Meeting experience, but for the early lowdown, check this out.

“Frustration is a catalyst for release. The very thing you are frustrated about is the thing you get to release. Do it privately first and publicly second. Frustration is always about increasing or level of intercession. You need to come into the Throne Room and start interceding for the very thing you are frustrated about. If you are feeling it (frustration is a message from God), then it is your responsibility to pray about it. Frustration then is about an open door.” - Graham Cooke

Our Yearly Meeting Sessions are coming up. Words I often hear associated with it: community, gathering, exciting, frustrating. This session could be particularly challenging as we’re looking at restructuring the organization: boards, reps, etc. I would dare say that Quakes don’t tend to deal with change well (and we usually don’t have to change; one person will voice their concern, and due to conflicting interpretations of the process of consensus, the whole motion comes to a screeching halt): this could be a tricky time.

“Churches (Yearly Meetings) go through pruning times as well. There are times it has to lay all its programs on the altar and ask God, ‘Are you still okay with all of this?’ Frustration makes us desperate to do this properly — to prepare ourselves well. And when you hear from the Lord what He wants to release, then you need to start praying that response. Then you need to ask the Lord to help you with your planning: how do we prepare the way of the Lord right now?” - G.C.

While the gathering begins tomorrow, it’s never too late to start interceeding regarding your frustrations: special treat, eh?
Using a favorite prayer of Saint Anne, “Help me (us) help me (us)” and “Please please please.”

Recently I had an email query:

I’m
increasingly curious about the connection (if any) between Quakers and
emerging church. I have had some thoughts about this for some time, but I
wonder what your perspective (and religious background and geographical
background) is.

I thought I’d throw it out to everyone so as to get a more well-rounded perspective, because for some strange reason, I have a sense that my experience isn’t exactly like everyone else’s. I know folks have got some great thoughts on whether Querging (Quaking and Emerging) really works, and if so, where that’s happening. If I was really good and had time, I’d dig through all of your wonderful blogs and pull out your posts. But realistically, I have to wake up my child in two minutes to drag to Bible study, then to the store, then home, yowl at him and the cat to STAY OUT OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE, throw some food down his throat, chuck him into his crib, and then work on the pile of Christmas Projects I took upon myself because somehow I thought my days were boring and spent eating bon bons and watching soaps.

SO, just to let you, oh query-er know, I am thinking about your question. I’m calling upon the collective knowledge of bloggers and commenters to provide their best stuff (new or old on):

If you don’t blog, you should start. But if you don’t want to start, leave a comment. If you do blog, you can either post links to your best posts here, or compile those links into a post and leave that post here.

We (that would be the royal “we”) are now accepting entries to contribute to the “You Might Be A Quake If” montage. I already have one *lovely* submission (aw, Gregg: you’re just so photogenic). If you’d like to expound on why it’s oh-so-Quakey, that might make it into the post as well.

There’s been an *overwhelming* response to the post “You Might Be Emerging If . . .“, and I thought it was time for the Quakes to represent. See, one day a while ago, we were pretty hip; and in fact, some still are. But there’s been splits and mergers and now the name “Quaker” is attached to a number of things, such as:

and the larger edible grouping of

We’re insured!

You *know* this had to be a rockin’ place:

Quakers aren’t limited to those who walk about on two feet:

Apparently we protest the war in Iraq

and also process the oil we’re fighting over

Apparently Santa wants to be a Quaker

Most folks think we don’t partake of the “fleshly pleasures”, but there seems to be a difference of opinion out there:

We seem to be in the business of home goods:

Sometimes we look very stoic

Do they look hopeful to you?

And sometimes a little doofy

We may meet in a building that looks like this

Or this

Or not in a building at all

We’re crafty

Who says Quakers have no sense of humor?

You know we’re a hit at any party - we’ve got our own board game!

We’ve dabbled in the realm of questionable literature - this cover screams harlequin romance

And a potential murder mystery - shocking!

Canadians love us (or they love banana muffin mix . . . )

Sometimes Quakers seem behind the times, but we still feel a need for speed

We’re child-friendly, too (although we haven’t learned yet that cookies are a sometimes food)

We have Quaker heroes

Be careful: we come in all shapes and sizes - you may never know when one of us is sneaking up on you:

This one’s especially fiesty

I’m reading George Barna’s revolution: blame my father and John Macy.

The unfortunate truth is that most citizens of the “greatest nation on earth” are mired in an agonizing revolving door of trial-and-error efforts in a disheartening and unfulfilling search for truth, integrity, meaning, wholeness, connection, passion, and inner peace. Being in the presence of people who seem to have discovered the keys to achieving such lofty and desirable outcomes cannot help but cause earnest seekers to take notice — and to wonder how it is even remotely possible for Revolutionaries to succeed in our sophisticated age with such simple values and practices (13).

Simple values and practices: sounds very Friends-esque, yes? Or at least, first generation Friends - we’ve done a good job mucking it up.

Which brings me to a passage in Leviticus that’s been haunting me. The first thing that struck me was in a preceding passage, talking about what happens when people turn away repeatedly from the Lord, refusing to accept His Call and Word for their lives, and describing in graphic detail what will happen to them: “You will eat the bodies of your sons and daughters.” ~ Leviticus 26:29, meaning you will consume that which will keep your bloodline going. In today’s society, it might not be that graphic, but I’d say many parents sacrifice their child to meet the parents’ own needs, be it putting them through countless programs to ensure the child’s “success” according to their standards, or selling them out to the sex industry to bring in money: they consume some part of their children in order to feed a need inside of them.

But then comes an interesting part. After the people turning away again and again, and God punishing again and again, there comes this:

There Is Always Hope
But maybe the people will confess their sins and the sins of their ancestors. Maybe they will admit they turned against me and sinned against me. That made me turn against them. So I sent them into the land of their enemies. These disobedient people might be sorry for what they did. They might accept punishment for their sin. If they do, I will remember my agreement with Jacob. I will remember my agreement with Isaac and Abraham. And I will remember the land. The land will be empty. It will enjoy its time of rest. Then those who are alive will accept the punishment for their sins. They will learn that they were punished because they hated my laws. And they refused to obey my rules. They truly sinned. But if they come to me for help, I will not turn away from them. I will listen to them even in the land of their enemies. I will not completely destroy them. I will not break my agreement with them. This is because I am the Lord their God. For their good I will remember the agreement of their ancestors. I brought their ancestors out of the land of Egypt. I did it so I could become their God. The other nations saw these things. I am the Lord.” ~ Leviticus 26: 40-45

The land of their enemies: I wouldn’t say the typical American culture is welcoming of folks who are *truly* following the call of Christ.

“The mere presence of Revolutionaries makes the typical American citizen — yes, even the typical churchgoer — uncomfortable” (16).

Ouch. I somewhat feel like the land of America has had a time of rest as well - seems like there’s a harvest out there, and God’s clearing the way in preparation for harvesters trained by His own Hand - in tune with His leadings, His Word, His Light.

What really got to me was “and the sins of their ancestors.” Can we truly move and be the Church that God calls us to be without repenting? I’ve heard that Donald Miller details a great experience with that in his book Blue Like Jazz: setting up a confession booth at Reed College, but rather than hearing confessions, he and his friends confessed all the crimes perpetrated by Christians and asked for forgiveness. As I’ve been reading the Bible, over and over God says that he will not only punish the sinner, but also his sons and grandsons and great-grandsons. Leanne Payne talks about needing to be cleansed of the sins of our ancestors (racism in particular) because it *will* trickle down from generation to generation until someone repents and asks God to give them a new spirit.

So, as a member of my worship gathering, as a member of my denominational gathering, as a member of the Church of God, what sins of my ancestors am I called to repent? Even if I wasn’t there, it’s affected me - us - the whole. How do groups corporately repent? We want to move forward: but can we if we don’t repent of the sins of the past?