This past week I’ve had the opportunity to stay home: with a sick little boy, with a growing and tired little toddler, with an in-the-midst-of-intense-work hubby, with a weary and contemplative me. It was nice to rest. Normally the lack of schedule and activities freaks me out: I like the structure, the business, to keep that rhythm of life clicking, or perhaps to keep the nagging thoughts at bay.
This week, as I’ve been able to sit a bit (or at least not run around in public, seeing as how I don’t breed sitters), I was thinking about how doing a few things and doing them well is enjoyable and thought about how I/we should do that more often. For some reason I got a sense that I’ve thought about that before . . . that I might have engaged in such a practice . . . . oh, that’s right, a few months ago we did! The Fast! How quickly I forget . . . and how quickly I resume to “normal life”, picking up business and unintentionality all over again.
Jason and I have been been trying to schedule various activities/gatherings/etc. with other folks in a couple of different cases, but nothing’s really happening: we can’t find a time when we are all free: we’re too busy.
We got rid of our cable this summer and bought an antenna. It’s been one of the most clarifying for me. We lack a lot of channels we used to have, but I’m finding now that I really didn’t watch them: I used them as white noise, distractions. Now that I have fewer channels, I actually watch the show that’s on, I savor it, or I turn the tv off. I don’t channel surf like I used to, trying to maximize my Viewing Experience: I don’t have a nagging sense that I’m missing Something Better. I simply watch, or I turn off.
This week, being somewhat quarantined with my small tykes and my weary husband, I’ve simply been with them: baked, played Legos, read books, sang songs, danced, snuggled. We couldn’t run around a do a lot, we couldn’t make it to meetings, we missed Sunday school and play dates: all good stuff, but do I need to be doing it all? Am I really enjoying it, participating fully? Or am I using it as white noise?
It’s a little surreal to think that this summer I fasted in my community. I wonder if others experienced the same short-term memory loss, and I wonder what we could/should do to be reminded. Or if the opportunity arose, would I prefer to change the channel?