I wondered as I typed that title how many folks will see it and close their computer window: I know I would. 🙂
So, how are y’all surviving the Perfect Storm that seems to be descending? I’m not just talking about the Wall Street/Main Street situation, but beyond that. Do you know any hemisphere of life (financial, physical, spiritual, etc.) that is placid? Oftentimes I pray, “God, get me out!”, and God chuckles, “Do you know how much trouble I went to to let this happen for your own good?”
I’ve been having a week. I’m allowing macro and micro disturbances to affect me. Each night I dream, vivid dreams, dreams about friends from high school, which could be an indicator that I spend too much time on Facebook, or it could signal that I’m feeling fairly turbulant (high school was the best of times, it was the worst of times).
I’m having fight or flight feelings, mostly flight. I feel like I’ve fought: I’ve done work of discerning what God’s calling our church body to, I’ve shared when I didn’t want to, I’ve felt stupid while crying out words that I didn’t necessarily want to share but couldn’t hold back. I’ve shared my ideal vision about living in community, and it’s not come to light (at least how I think it should happen, because I have the best insight, of course). 🙂
I’ve heard it explained that people have four responses when dealing with conflict, but that the order is dependent upon the personality type. For me, it’s (lowest response to highest): withdraw, come back with the “right” answer, become apathetic, attack at the personal level. If I withdraw, it’s not that big of a deal: I just need to think about things. But if I respond with name calling, I’m at the end of my rope. The reason I haven’t been blogging? Let’s just say most of my thoughts are a bit tinged with an accusatory flavor. And a lot of it is directed at myself.
No. Right. Answer. I keep running scenarios over and over in my head on How To Live The Spirit Filled and Spirit Empowered Life. And No. Right. Answer comes to mind.
Is anybody living a spirit empowered life?
Is living in a community based on faith worth it?
Why am I attending a Quaker church?
Why do I go to church at all?
What is this whole life all about anyway?
This evening, with the presidential debates playing in the background, a word came: one I didn’t like: one that won’t stop ringing in my head: one that I don’t know much about, mostly intentionally: one that I’m going to learn about in this Perfect Storm.
The kind of humility that acknowledges that the Creator God has it all, and that the Created Me’s got nothing except my soulish will. The kind of humilty that requires giving up my false sense of control and my so-called righteous indignation at people not responding when I say “God told me to tell you to jump . . . or at least I think God said jump . . . And I don’t have to jump . . . . I don’t think . . . ” The kind of humility that comes from spending time, one on one, with the Savior God who emptied Himself so that I might be absolved from my wrongs that I can’t right no matter how I try. The kind of humility that transforms me into the image of Christ for the sake of others. The kind of humility that expresses grace, to others and to myself, for not being perfect (a.k.a. God).
It erases pride. It eradicates idols. It transform disbelief. In a Beth Moore Bible study she pointed out that these were three elements that the kings (good and bad) of Israel struggled with, but it was the godly kings who struggled most with pride.
Even as I go to post this, a small voice in my mind wonders how many comments I’ll get. Because, you know, that’s obviously a measure of how many people read and respond to my words; and if more people read and respond, then I must be a good and respected and worthwhile person. Sigh: how far I have to go, and how grateful am I for grace and patience. 🙂