Lately I’ve not been going into my garage. One might think: “well, that could mean that Aj’s garage is fairly empty – nothing to get.” Another might postulate: “Or Aj isn’t doing anything that requires her going into her garage – she doesn’t need anything in there.” When in reality the reason I’m not going into my garage is because currently that is the room in my house that is paying homage to the American motto: “gross excess is only half enough.” There is so.much.stuff. Normally, I love to organize, but here I don’t know where to start. Do I move the bags of river rock that need to go in the side flower bed? But then I should just put the rock into the bed. But then I need to weed first. And put down landscaper’s fabric. Which is also in the garage, lying on the floor next to a pile of rags that were used to clean up a toddler’s experiment of “what should I do while Ma is putting away pounds of flour from Bob’s Red MIll? Well, I’ve been meaning to see if beer bottles bounce on the garage floor?”
Baby steps to four o’clock.
Judah came in while I was standing in the midst of the muck, just staring. “Mama, whatcha doing?” “Noticing.” “No-seeing?” “Well, yeah, pretty much.” Assessing. Gathering. Grouping. Figuring out the small area I can tackle which will lead to more room to spread out, organize, weed, move on.
Same with my blog life. I haven’t been contributing to the Grand Online Life not because I have nothing to share, nothing relevant, but because there’s just so.much.stuff. And so I stand in the middle and stare.
Some of the things I notice in the midst:
- I’ve been more disatisfied/frustrated/disoriented since the fast. Is it that I/we missed the mark? Or that it’s taking longer to hit the mark (whatever that is) than I feel it should? Or I’m feeling the tension of change?
- I’ve been pondering how the story of Joseph lines up with the journey our youth will embark on and how I/we adults will be involved. How do we live lives that joyfully and expectantly wait on God?
- This life: this suburban, chain-storing shopping, activity-driven, event-oriented, disconnected, consuming life – is this it? If not, what is? And how do I/we get there?
- Prayer and healing/growing food and plants/mentoring – these seem to be weaving themselves together, but I don’t know how/why.
- How does one live in the tension of being called to be part of a community yet feeling called to move out from that community?
And so things might seem cluttered around here and unrelated, but I believe that plodding through (sometimes acting, sometimes just noticing, or maybe no-seeing) will lead to a surprising reorientation. Or at least a couple trips to Goodwill. 🙂