Aj Schwanz

In the previous post quoting an interview with Madeleine L’Engle she made reference to her son-in-law’s take on being “an atheist for Christ” - “He means that Christians build up little gods, little temples of Baal. We begin to worship them. And we must tear them down, destroy them. The gods we erect are easier to worship than the Creator of the universe. They’re more comprehensible.”

As I’ve mentioned I’m part of a worship discernment group at my faith community.  We have three Sunday services that are all the same (rather than having a contemporary, a classic, etc. - we are not Burger King  “do it your way”).  Members of the community feel that the Spirit is leading us to examine whether this is the way God is calling us to worship God right now:  they feel an itch, an ache, that something must change.  Others have no such feeling:   they’re fairly confused that the status quo would be in question because they find Sunday morning worship to be very fulfilling, and isn’t everyone else like them?

So we’re laying everything out on the table.  Or so we think . . .

The elders gave us the task of looking at different worship models that utilize our strengths as a multi-generational congregation while being present to meet the needs of our community.  Now, I don’t know one member of the task force who can get behind that mission:  too many questions, too many misconceptions.  And such a task doesn’t really lay *everything* out on the table.

“Strength as a multi-generational congregation.”  First, we’re trying to figure out what that means.  But also, even though we’ve experienced blessings at having a faith community of differing ages and walks of life, are we always called to that?  Some folks would say ‘yes’:  we should be widely varied in our backgrounds and ages.  Some folks would say ‘no’:  we can be more effective when looking at a specific group to minister to.

This gets into that whole “seeker sensitive” schebang which I don’t want to deal with; others have said things much more eloquently.

But I do wonder - have we made an idol out of being multi-generational?  When I hear folks say, “God couldn’t possibly call us to minister to one group” or “Our body will always have multiple generations as part of the community”, I wonder - are we worshipping the way we worship (or who we worship with) more than worshipping God?  Perhaps God called us to be varied in age — for a time period — and maybe God calls us to be not as varied — for a time period.  Just because it’s good doesn’t mean we’re always called to do it.

This is poorly fleshed out.  But it’s a start — sending thoughts out into the blogosphere — casting seeds — seeing what will come of it.

What all have we erected that needs to be torn down?  And will we actually follow through?

Kelly Bean is an amazing woman I connected with through a F/friend, and then we actually met in Connecticut for the first time, even though we only live 30 minutes from each other.  She is a contributer to Off the Map and a codreamer for Northwest Emerging Women Leaders and an amazing woman who brings creativity, care, and beautiful atmosphere wherever she goes.  Kelly and her family are part of a faith community that looks nothing like traditional church, and despite (or potentially because of ) the lack of “hierarchical organizational structure”, they have organized an amazing trip to bring supplies and help meet needs in East Africa.  Please send prayers out for her and her group as they are Light bearers in their journey.

Dear Friends

It is with great excitement that I update you…  Our East Africa adventure is 5 days away! {note from Aj:  Okay, so I’m late in posting this  :)}

Depart Portland for Seattle Monday Nov 5

Arrive Nairobi, Kenya Tuesday 6th (via Amsterdam and London, Ken travels through London and we are flying through Amsterdam)

Visit projects in Nairobi area 7th, 8th

Friday to Rwanda for one week

Friday 16th fly to Burundi through Monday 19th

19th return to Nairobi for flight home

20th pm home

The 7 of us traveling from Portland, Vancover and Seattle have been happily overwhelmed with the generosity of our communities, friends, families and networks…

Because of you we will carry with us all this and more:

• Specially printed team shirts for the Gasogi Village “football” team of 35 in Rwanda, 15 Excellent quality soccer balls, ball pumps and ball needles, new soccer socks for the whole team, some soccer shoes and shorts
• Two laptops and women’s clothing for HIV treatment ministry in Kenya
• Clothing and shoes enough for three orphanages
• Toys, books, treats, stickers, toothbrushes
• Books, notes from kids in our communities and school supplies for a school
• Money to help support the school lunch program at the Mathare Mennonite school (.03 a day for lunch, only 1/2 the kids can afford to eat lunch)
• 15 soccer balls to distribute to kids in various locations
• Courier service to Americans living in Kenya and Rwanda bringing their Christmas gifts from their families
• Gifts of encouragement for the African leaders who will be hosting us
• Elliot raised 340.00 at his school to help with school for the Batwa/pygmy children in Burundi! (good job Elliot!)
• Funds to purchase food for Africans in need
• Funds to help with ARV’s for a group of HIV positive kids
• Donations to cover the excess baggage charges.
• Donations toward microfinance projects

THANKS TO EACH OF YOU FOR YOUR CARE FOR THE CHILDREN OF AFRICA and for these amazing projects we will visit

We would be grateful for your prayers for our good health, safe travel. We will be joined by 19 friends from South Africa in Rwanda and are looking forward to this aspect of our cross cultural experience as we team build all together.

We would be very grateful for your prayers for our girls at home.

If you have not had the chance to give yet and would like to, these are the needs that remain . . .

1.  Contributions to help cover trip expenses are welcome

2.  Donations to deliver directly to the ministries and projects. More on that also when we return!

{Sidenote from Aj:  contact me if you can contribute in any way}

With Full hearts and Full bags!

Kelly, Ken and Elliot Bean

I think that right doctrine is far more often taught in stories than in direct dogma. At least it works better for me that way. I’d like to go back a minute to something you asked about atheism. One of my sons-in-law is an English Anglican theologian priest. He has talked about being atheists for Christ’s sake. He means that Christians build up little gods, little temples of Baal. We begin to worship them. And we must tear them down, destroy them. The gods we erect are easier to worship than the Creator of the universe. They’re more comprehensible. The God I believe in is not comprehensible in finite, mortal terms. God is infinite, immortal, all-knowing. I have a point of view, you have a point of view. God has a point of view. But we don’t like having to depend on that which we cannot control, manipulate, dominate.

In a sense, praying and writing involve the same disciplines. When I sit down with an act of will, either before the typewriter or to pray, I have to let go of my control and listen. I listen to the story or I try to get beyond the words of prayer and listen to God. Ultimately when I hear, that is the gift, not my act of will, not my act of virtue. It is pure gift. I guess my favorite analogy for the difference between faith and works came from Rudolph Serkin. My husband and I heard him play Beethoven’s Appassionata Sonata better than Beethoven could play it. When the last note faded away there wasn’t a sound. Then, slowly, like the ocean waves, the applause swelled. Later I realized that we had been present at a moment of transcendence, of transfiguration. What did Serkin have to do with that? He practices eight hours a day every day. I have to write every day whether I want to or not. I have to pray every day whether I want to or not. It’s not a matter of feeling like it, or waiting when I feel inspired, because both in work and in prayer, inspiration comes during rather than before.

~Madeleine L’Engle

I’ve been reading 1 Corinthians as of late.  A blog post referenced 1 Corinthians 14 in regards to worship; since that’s a topic on my mind, I sensed that a reading of the whole book would be best to put it into context rather than picking and choosing bits and pieces, as we evangelicals tend to do.

During my breakfast reading I came across this verse - 4:15

• NKJV:  For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel. 
• NIV:  Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.
• NLT:  For even if you had ten thousand others to teach you about Christ, you have only one spiritual father. For I became your father in Christ Jesus when I preached the Good News to you.
• MSG:   There are a lot of people around who can’t wait to tell you what you’ve done wrong, but there aren’t many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up. It was as Jesus helped me proclaim God’s Message to you that I became your father.

Doesn’t it seem like so many folks are willing to share, tell, exclaim, proclaim the Message?  But how many are willing to listen, watch, observe, step into the weak places, teach, call out?  I think there’s a place for both, but it made me think about the Spiritual Parents in my life.  And boy howdy am I thankful for them.

I’m part of a worship discernment group at my faith community.  What does that mean?  Good question:  we’re not quite sure.  At our last meeting we were given the task of coming up with five statements about worship.  My group came up with five questions about worship (this should not be shocking - Aj’s group being non-conformist).

One thing we talked about was elements of worship - how worship looks, what goes into it.  Someone mentioned pews being constricting and perhaps chairs would be more freeing at our gatherings; another friend shared how she’s mostly worshiped in chairs, and they’re just like pews except a little more squished and clunky.  The best was having chairs roped together to resemble pews - ah, how the grass is always greener.

I thought I’d share some posts I’ve appreciated on worship, both for folks who read my blog (who are STILL silent.  Thanks to those who participated in the questions for the FAQ - this sleep-deprived brain needs some fodder to work with) and those in my worship discernment group (because I haven’t bothered to figure out Google Groups yet). 

• Dan Kimball - What are these strange things called “pews”?
• Nancy Beach - Worship Hot Buttons
• Steve Taylor -  digestion is dead

You know how God is sneaky-like and likes to pop up in places that God isn’t supposed to be?

Like when you’re watching “Kitchen Nightmares” on the computer because it’s Friday night and your Hubby is at Off-the-Map and you have a Fussy Bucket child who’s finally worn himself down to silence or the occassional whine, and there’s no good tv on because it’s Friday night and all the fun people are out doing fun things, and you just want to hear adult voices that aren’t talking about finding the clues Blue left?

So you surf the various networks for the online showings and realize the only thing that sounds mildly appealing is the show about the angry chef who’s supposed to come in and fix the restaurant by debasing all the decor and food and managers and wait staff which somehow boosts their morale to turn the restaurant around?

But in the midst of the constant yelling about how people are “Don-kheys!” and serving “putrid food”, he points out that one of the establishment’s problems is that it doesn’t stand out because it’s just like the forty other establishments in the area?

And that if the owner was smart, he’s look around and see what’s missing in the community, which in this case was a steak house, and turn the restaurant into that so as to meet the needs of the local area?

And you think, “Hmm.  My hometown was once noted in the Guiness Book of World Records for having the most church buildings per capita?  And maybe we don’t need more, but we need a “steak house”?”

Yep:  that sneaky God shows up all over the place.  Just like Blue.  Except God’s fond of cliff hangers, because now I’m left with wondering what our “steak house” is.

Anybody got any episode spoilers they could shoot my way?

Today I put away the jack-o-lantern candles and the “boo” candle holders.  Halloween has come and gone.  What does that mean?  Knock knock:  hello, onslaught of Christmas mayhem.  Big Box Stores are already on top of the frenzy:  WalMart had their first “Black Friday” sale - you know the sale that’s supposed to come *after* Thanksgiving, not after Halloween?

It makes my heart hurt, both thinking of the preparations that I can never get on top of as well as thinking of the objectification Christmas has become - consuming, not giving as God gave to us.

While listening to an Imago Dei podcast during a 3am feeding, I became interested in Rick McKinley’s mention of The Advent Conspiracy:   an international movement restoring the scandal of Christmas by worshipping Jesus through compassion, not consumption.

I wonder what others would think if they weren’t on board with the concept:  it wouldn’t necessarily be easy to explain to others who expect some goodies at the holiday season.   You know how it feels when someone makes a donation “in your name” - except it’s to a cause they enjoy, but not so much you?  But then again, this would certainly open up doors for conversation, eh?

It wouldn’t necessarily be easy to make such a countercultural expression of the holidays, but it would be good.  Making presents takes time:  buying “stuff” can be so much quicker.  Except for when the bills pour in and we’re trying to work off the Christmas cheer/debt.  Our most recent Beth Moore bible study had a statement:  “stop equating hard with bad.”

What would this look like for you?   What would it look like to worship more and spend less?

As the years go by and the trips around the sun continue, I’ve been able to notice more rhythms and seasons to my life. Every summer I crave fresh strawberries and blueberries and cherries and eat my fill trying to beat the “oh, they’re going rot!” hourglass and then I’m absolutely sick of them . . . until the next summer when the ache for summer’s sweet produce returns. Every month I dread taking care of the paperwork that piles up in my “paperwork to take care of” basket; on a Sunday afternoon or before a trip, I’ll attack the stack with a disposition that would make a Mission: Organization crew proud, and then I wonder why in the world I don’t take care of these things in a more timely manner . . . as I watch the next monthly pile accumulate. During the summer months, evenings are for walking; winter months, evenings are for knitting.

I’ve also noticed cycles that are more yearly in nature, and they usually happen in two-three years. When I moved to Newberg, I got really involved in school and youth group until my junior year when I experienced my first serious bout of depression and crashed. I lived with my roommate Alli for three years. I lived in Boise for 2 years and started getting antsy for another job. I worked at Fox for 2 years before I started getting antsy again. Judah and Abel are 2.75 years apart. I’ve been participating at a different level (as a woman and mom versus high schooler/young adult/young married) at my faith community for three years. And I’ve been blogging for three years.

As the 2-3 year mark approaches, I seem to get antsy/befuddled/anxious/ponder my identity-linked-with-activities. I haven’t been writing online a great deal, which doesn’t mean the thoughts aren’t present (although they’re a little floopy due to a lack of sleep), but they just haven’t seemed relevant or necessary to add to the world wide blogosphere. And yet I’ve really appreciated the connection with others that I’ve felt as I’ve written (though most of y’all won’t comment, but randomly mentioned, “Oh, I read that on your blog”, and my first reaction is “Lordy, did I make an ass of myself?” or “Which blog? The one that talks about God-stuff, or the one that talks about projectile poo-stuff?” Seriously, let me know that you’re out there: I promise that commenting doesn’t hurt - usually).

I’m not the only one who seems to have entered the Great Blogging Identity Metamorphasis. Folks I’ve read for some time are revamping their sites, be it through design or content or taking on whole other identities. And since this is National Blog Posting Month, I figured it’d be as good of a time as ever to figure out what this whole ajschwanz.com thing is about.

So, being the good “facilitator” that I am, I’m going to turn it out to you, my faithful (and somewhat silent - shame on you, Quakers - you know what the period of quietism did to the priesthood of all believers) readers. I was thinking, “Hmm, what would it look like to have an Frequently Asked Questions page?” Well, I supposed I’d actually have to have questions that folks would ask me. Might be helpful . . .

So, ask me a question. I can’t guarentee that I can answer all questions, and I doubt that I’m going to create a sermon series out of them, but really: what sorts of questions would you like to see answered in an FAQ on this site? You can comment or email me or tell me in passing, though I must warn you, if it’s not written down, most likely it won’t adhere to a brain that’s mostly focused on making sure the toddler isn’t engaging in “helpful” behaviors that aren’t always so helpful.

If I was a really good Quaker blogger, I’d change it to Frequently Asked Queries, but since I’m also wearing a colored shirt and buttons and recently have been feeling the need to say “can I get a glory?!!” at church, I’m probably not *that* good of a Quaker blogger.