Aj Schwanz

This morning I was reading in the book of Joshua - you know, that old familiar feel-good story of the Israelites crossing the Jordan (during flood season, no less - ah, that overachiever God of ours) and beginning their invasion/occupation of the Promised Land. But have you ever noticed the next part? See, their in some serious enemy territory. The first city in front of them in Jericho, a border city that’s totally equipped to keep out invaders. And these Israelites aren’t exactly warriors: their former occupation was being oppressed as slaves in Egypt (well, at least that was their parents’ occupation - all the kiddos knew was wandering in the desert).

So: strange land. Not trained in battle. Big scary city in front of them. And what does God have them do?

Oh, that’s right: let’s remind the Israelites of that old covenant thing. You know, that “snip off part of your splinky” (a.k.a. circumcision) thing?

So: strange land. Not trained in battle. Big scary city looming. All the men of fighting age are completely incapacitated. One might wonder if God’s got a screw loose. Unless one is recognizes one’s position with God, and that is of utter dependence. God said that the land would be the Israelites; God said He would empower them to take the land; they believed God to the point of putting themselves in a place of utter exposure and vulnerability.

It’s almost as if God was saying, “Do you really believe me and what I said? Huh? Really? And truly?”

I feel like that a bit right now. Recouping from having a baby hasn’t been all that bad . . . until the past two days. Judah has a cold. Abel and I picked up that cold. Abel wants to nurse *all the time* - which I would much rather have than not. But that’s also created some other not-so-comfy effects for me. And it’s so hard when I’m tired and hurting to hear my littlest one having a hard time eating due to his stuffed up nose - let’s just say I’m not necessarily at my most emotionally-stable point right now.

Do I really believe that God is with me during this time? That He’s working to train and equip me to raise two boys? That everything He allows to come into my life is for my own good? That God will never leave me nor forsake me? It’s hard to believe sometimes when getting up for the fourth feeding of the night, or having one boy go down for a nap only to have the other one wake up. But, like Joshua, I really really really want to be “strong and courageous” and believe in those words.

I also really want to sleep for at least four consecutive hourse, but that will come with time, I hope.

Life has changed, obviously.

Sleep is elusive.
Personal space is non-existent.
Things that are amusing generally consist of watching scrunchy baby faces and hearing the toddler instruct the infant to “take a nap” so he can play Chutes & Ladders with mama.
“How the morning went” is measured by how many times diapers have been changedandchangedagain because we now live with a two diaper pooper.

Jason went back to work last week. After he left and I realized I was alone with the four boys who aren’t able to carry on higher level conversations or rent a car (Judah, Abel, Orley, Jacks), I opened my Bible to Psalms: I read one every morning. This happened to be the psalm of the day. Verse 1 made me laugh a little bit, although I could also hear the foreboding “dun dun dun DUN” movie music: Lord help us all.

Abel Anders
Born Monday
7lbs. 2oz.
19.75 in.

Can’t you see him pondering the wonderment of the revelation of the Inner Light and the relativity of absolute truth?