Aj Schwanz

My husband’s computer is silent.¬† Truly.¬† He has one of those teeny tiny new Macs that makes little to no noise what so ever.¬† This was a grand change from his previous Box of Whirling Computer Guts that I’m sure the next door neighbors could here:¬† “Wow, the Schwanzi are going to bed late tonight!”¬† The thing is . . . it’s a bit eerie.¬† In a life that’s full of noises -

• the next door neighbor turning on his 1970’s truck to go to work which sounds like a mother coming into a room to find her supposedly “sleeping” child has thrown his six stuffed animals, two throw blankets, quilt, pillow, and mattress onto the floor - i.e. heavy, soul-deep sigh

• the click and then “this is NPR” at 7:03 a.m. and the subsequent blanket wrestling and then smack of hitting the snooze button

• the buzzing of my neighbor as he flies his model airplanes at the park - it’s never a militant buzz:¬† his planes tend to bob about

• the open and shut of the door to signal someone has woken up, and then the opening and shutting of cupboards and closets and fridges that are supposed to be meant to be used by folks taller than four feet, but someone believes he is four feet in spirit

• the thumping of a tail that whomps on my foot as well as the thumping of a ball that is flicked in my direction in¬† mopey attempt to show how pathetic and lonely the canines are in our household

• the “don’t forget to pick up your change located beneath the receipt printer.¬† remember to take your bags and your receipt.¬† thank you for shopping at fred meyer!” and “deeeese!¬† deeeese!¬† deeeeeese!” as I load the grocery bags into my shopping cart while keeping them away from the cheese monster

• a lot of “no”s and “not for judah”s and “get out of the fridge” and “bobbobbobbob can be watched later” and “where’s your belly?” and “yay:¬† that’s your tongue!” and “can you say ‘green’?” and “do you want string cheese or cottage cheese?” and “you pooped again?!!” and every once in a while, “where’s judah?” and then the frantic noise of running around to find out how much gum he’s managed to pull out of my desk and shove in his mouth all at once

There’s just not a lot of silence in my life.¬† That’s why a quiet computer is a bit strange - it’s not requesting or demanding anything, it’s not making it’s opinion known.¬† Jason’s last computer ran too hot, and so it let us know by having the noisiest fan possible in computerkind.¬† But this computer is quiet - simple - content.¬† I can actually listen when I’m working on the computer:¬† I’m not numbed out by the humming and the senseless white noise.

I need more listening time in my life:¬† time when I sit and am intentional about listening - to myself, to others, to Christ.¬† If it’s not a planned thing, it’s not going to happen.¬† So when I got my third request to be part of a Listening Life group this year, I finally heard God through the noise:¬† “Please.¬† Come.¬† Listen.”

So, Aaron & Jolene Brown and Jason & I are going to be part of a Listening Life group.¬† We don’t have a leader: we’re thinking about passing leadership around.¬† We have young kids, so we’ll be meeting earlier than later in the evening (and we’ll be figuring out childcare together).¬† We have a heart to listen and to connect with folks of any age and walk of life.¬† It looks like Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday nights work best, and we may be meeting weekly or bi-weekly.

And we want to listen with more folks!¬† Have you been interested in being more intentional about listening to Christ in your life?¬† Do you want to set aside a time where you get to do that?¬† Are you looking to explore calling and direction, both in life and in ministry?¬† Do you think it might be outside of the box?¬† Are you looking for Christ in community, or just intentional community in general?¬† Let me or Jolene know:¬† we’d love to explore journeying with you.

My ears are picking up on a call to go “did-die!” (a.k.a. outside).¬† Some directions are easier to hear in life than others.¬†

Today was my first day teaching a class.¬† Except I’m not really teaching:¬† I’m “facilitating” which is just a way of saying I’m too scared to teach and too lazy to do all the work myself, so class, help me out here!¬† And it’s not a class:¬† it’s a course offered at Women’s Bible Fellowship at Newberg Friends.¬† But it is my first time doing whatever I was doing.¬† And I survived.¬† I asked a friend why I was doing this when I’ve never done anything like this before, and it makes my stomach all knotty and my shoulders hunchy and my face scrunchy.¬† I already knew the answer:¬† “Because I’m crazy.¬† I almost forgot.¬† Crazy people tend to do forget things, you know.”

One of my friends is getting her masters in Theology.¬† Her classmate is a mom of two or three boys on top of being a wife and a church leader and all sorts of other roles.¬† Someone asked her how in the world she could get a masters while having two small kids.¬† Her reply:¬† “How could I *not*?’¬† I think that’s how it is with me:¬† parenting is challenging; to maintain healthy levels of sanity, I need to balance the mama duties with other interests, such as exploring spiritual formation.¬† I know:¬† some folks do something like take up knitting.¬† Which is a lot more low-key and less stressful (although I’ve seen some stressed out Type A knitters, and let me tell you, knitting needles can fly FAR across the room).¬† But for me, I’ve got this bug to keep exploring spirituality and culture and God’s amazing, relentless pursuing of us simply to be in and bring others into an intimate relationship with God.

So I’m facilitating this course.¬† A lovely group of women have agreed to journey together:¬† sharing experiences, bearing with this newbie speaker.¬† I felt like things went . . . well.¬† I spoke too much, of course.¬† I babbled.¬† I wasn’t clear - I was clearly nervous, but not necessarily verbally clear.¬† But we shared why God is great in our lives.¬† And we prayed prayers of thanksgiving and adoration to God.¬† And that was *good*.

I also got a workout.¬† Apparently adult women are not the only folks interested in spiritual formation.¬† Because we had guests.¬† Underaged guests.¬† One of which happened to bear the same last name as me.¬† And the same big blue eyes.¬† And then same tendency towards temper tantrums and sugar sensitivities.¬† A few minutes into my talk, I heard my son who was “safely” stowed away in the nursery down the hall.¬† I figured he was just being loud.¬† But it sounded so clear. . . ¬† I asked folks to center down, spend some quiet time with God, and I’d close us in prayer.¬† And that’s when we were graced with the presence of two guests:¬† my son, and my friend’s son.¬† I always knew if they hung out together, we’d be in trouble.¬† My son, leading the way, was followed by my friend’s son, and they were both giggling - they knew they had busted out.¬† And no nursery worker was coming after them.¬† In my intro talk, I mentioned that my son was a little on the active side.¬† After he broke out of the nursery THREE TIMES, I think the women believe me.¬† Two of the times, the nursery workers had no clue, and I had to deposit the Little Man back in his prison.¬† The third time, a nursery worker came after him after a while, except then Judah broke out in a run - boy howdy, he can move.¬† Man, camp counselors are gonna have fun with this one.

So either my son really wants to learn about spiritual formation, or he really wants to be a grace grower for the nursery workers in the area of patience, vigilence, and preparedness. ¬† Either way, it’s gonna be a fun journey for all of us at Women’s Bible Fellowship.¬† Pray for all of us - those in courses and those on border patrol.

These are things that you learn when you follow The Edge around for a day.

The Edge to Bono:¬† “I don’t want to be on the news, man.¬† YOU want to be on the news.¬† I don’t *need* to be on the news.”¬† I imagine Bono hears that a lot.¬†

Yesterday Jason and I went to church.

But we didn’t.

Our car was parked in its usual spot (on the south side of 4th street because the north side fills up faster). Our son was in his class (he “got” to graduate this week to the 2’s class, whether he wanted to or not: he’s a little to “exhuberant” for the babes on the nursery floor). But Jason and I weren’t in our normal pew. We were sitting in the library, trying to figure out why we didn’t feel okay about going into the larger worship gathering.

And to think I actually could’ve been helping to lead this Sunday’s worship. Gregg was speaking at Northside Community as part of the “there’s one church in Newberg that meets in lots of different places” reality. So this Sunday at NFC was going to be a Worship Workshop - looking at what we do and why we do it. I was asked to talk about silence, which made me laugh considering that as the mother of a toddler and a bounding dog there’s not a lot of silence in my life. When I heard about the idea of sharing about the importance of silence, the writer in me starting internally transcribing, but before I got too far, I realized I just couldn’t add one more thing to my plate at this moment, particularly in the church dish: as much as I talk about being missional and present in my community, I find myself pouring more time and energy and resources into the church. I’m wondering when my words and actions are going to line up. True, my words can act as a catalyst for those in my worship gathering, but still . . .

Neither Jason nor I felt peaceful about going to church, but the idea of another day home with Judah seemed daunting (I read somewhere that people get yowly around their half-birthdays and birthdays - in nine days he’s going to be experiencing the later). So we dropped him off in the nursery and looked for a place where we could process. We didn’t come to any specific conclusions in our conversation, other than that we’re on a journey and we need to pray and talk with others. Community is important, both for us as well as Judah - he’s such a social creature, and we’re not, and there’s a reason that God felt it would be wonderful for us to act as his parental hosts. Participating rather than just consuming. Action and contemplation. Being present with folks in the unlikely places. Laughing and eating and working and being present to each other.

A friend saw us sitting and asked if we were doing our own form of emerging church. We laughed. He wasn’t present in service, either, but rather was in the Prayer Room because that’s where he found the good stuff to happen.

We need to connect with folks, to see where they feel God leading them - tugging, pulling, encouraging, prodding. If we don’t pay attention to those nudges, they’ll leave and find more receptive ears, and dang it: I wanna be part of God’s Good Stuff! What do you hear? Is it making you uncomfortable? Are you finally feeling freedom? Wanna hang out in the library? Baby Steps, baby steps (at least for me: I’m not so much a free fall kind of gal . . . yet).