Aj Schwanz

For the past few years I have been a member of the Northwest Yearly Meeting of Friends Churches’ Board of Evangelism. Sounds a bit odd for someone who spouts off about doing church in new and creative ways, eh? When I was in a very much seeker phase (not fully connected with my church, not sure if I wanted to be connected with a church), a friend advertised openings on the board. He was employed by the board, and since I really respected the sort of stuff he was doing (discernment, leadership development), I figured: hey! This could be interesting.

And it has been. The glow and infatuation with my first foray into the Adult Yearly Meeting World turned to confusion with bits of frustration and apathy thrown in for good measure.

“Yay! I’m in a place where I can be effective and helpful in offering gifts and really doing God’s work at a bigger level!”

“Wait. We just sat through eight hours of meetings, and I can’t remember ever really noticing where God’s moving. How many times do we have to look at the budget, and why can’t I tell if we’re in the black or red?”

“Simple church does not have to be a house church! And no: numbers aren’t huge. Missional is in for the long haul: it takes time! When have you done anything recently that begat big numbers? Hmmm?”

“Another meeting. Another budget. Is this last year’s agenda? It looks familiar . . .”

It was interesting a) being one of three girls, 2) being the only young adult and iii) being Joe Gerick’s kid: three strikes, you’re out! I figured I could say whatever I wanted - the only way for me to go was up. And so I did talk. Folks used my token young adult status to question why young adults no longer went to church. Some actually saw a compassion in my sharings and encouraged me to continue seeking. I heard stories about folks working outside of the box, truly living in the Spirit; but I also saw how poorly we were equipped (or willing) to support them.

This past week members of the Yearly Meeting approved a restructure of the organization: positions, moneys, boards. Duties were shuffled, combined, created, and eliminated to create brand spankin’ new boards. We’ve been asked not to say things like, “The Local Outreach Board, i.e. the old BOE and Board of Peace and Social Concerns”: we’ve been asked to look at them as new entities. That’s hard to do.

I wasn’t a part of the approval process: I heard about it at MidYear Boards, but I didn’t attend community meetings or the business meetings - the notion of the potential squabbling over details made my stomach crunch. I do have a concern that I see no obvious place where out-of-the-box ministries and callings will be affirmed and nurtured: I never said anything because I sensed that a pat answer would be provided (Oh, it will fall under here or over here). But, it doesn’t seem that obvious to me.

I also didn’t speak up because I’m at peace with what’s happening. It appears that these types of works, if they are to take place, will have to occur on the local level. Maybe that’s where it should’ve been happening all along. Just like many Quakers fear having a paid pastor because the congregation might slack on their individual ministerial duties (oh, we’ve paid someone to take care of that stuff), I wonder if an atmosphere of apathy towards being relevant in our cultural context has been created due to thinking, “Oh, the Yearly Meeting takes care of those callings.” But now: it doesn’t seem obvious to me that it will be happening at the upper level: local meetings are going to have to step up.

“However, there are other voices that express real hope — not in the reconstitution of Christendom, but in the idea that the end of this epoch actually spells the beginning of a new flowering of Christianity. The death of Christendom removes the final props that have supported the culturally respectable, mainstream, suburban version of Christianity. This is a Christianity expressed by the “Sunday Christian” phenomenon wherein church attendance has very little effect on the lifestyles or values or priorities expressed from Monday to Saturday. This version of Christianity is a facade, a method for practitioners to appear like fine, upstanding citizens without allowing the claims and teachings of Jesus to bite very hard in everyday life. With the death of Christianity the game is up. There’s less and less reason for such upstanding citizens to join with the Christian community for the sake of respectability or acceptance. The church in fewer and fewer situations represents the best vehicle for public service or citizenship, leaving only the faithful behind to rediscover the Christian experience as it was intended: a radical, subversive, compassionate community of followers of Jesus” (Exiles, Frost 7-8).

I can mourn the “loss” of the board I participated in . . . or I can look around to see how God is redeeming this change to move in new, incredible, hopeful ways.

God’s moving: there is no doubt of that. The question is will we join, or will we be too busy rearranging our organizational furniture to notice?

The 114th annual sessions of Northwest Yearly Meeting of Friends Churches are coming to a close today.¬† I’m pooped.

Barclay Press has been very gracious in extending an invitation for me to write for their Daily Journal:¬† apparently they didn’t get enough “How to Find God While Your Son’s Diaper Explodes” stories.¬† :)¬† At first I thought Yearly Meeting week would be too crazy to write during, but then I thought, “Hey, crazy fodder to write about!¬† Sweet.”¬† When I ran the idea by them, I was given nothing but affirmation to write about what took place.¬† So kind.

I’ll write more about my Yearly Meeting experience, but for the early lowdown, check this out.

Yesterday was Sunday morning gathering; yesterday was the beginning of Northwest Yearly Meeting of Friends Churches 114th Annual Sessions; yesterday was HOT.

• During announcements, Steve-O said, “When NWYM had their first annual sessions, they met right here in this very building.¬† In honor of that, we thought we’d use their original air conditioning.”¬† I.e.¬† NOTHING.¬† No A/C, no fans:¬† just a bunch of bodies packed in to a poorly ventilated building.

• Gregg commented that ususally a lot of folks smooshed in a room will raise the temperature; but with our internal core being 98.6 degrees, we were acting more likely acting as coolers than heaters.¬† Ha ha.

• Some folks were fantastic and started bringing in ice water and cups to distribute among people, because “while it may seem distracting to get up and get a drink, it’d be more distracting if you passed out.”

While I was sitting in my seat, figuring out how to sit gracefully but having the least amount of contact with others or myself (it’s amazing how crossing your legs or arms decreases coolness), wondering how folks in the South handle stuff like this, continually looking at the clock to know how many more minutes were left before I could flee to cooler surroundings, I realized, “I have no clue what is going on in this worship service.”¬† I sang the songs, but had no clue what I was singing; I watched the people around me not remembering their names; I watched the powerpoint slides as Gregg clicked through them talking about the history of our Yearly Meeting.¬† But the reason I remember what Gregg was talking about it because Jason told me about it beforehand.¬† I thought about how Jason, who was playing in the worship band, was surviving wearing long pants, playing his bass, and sitting under the hot lights.¬† I wondered how my little walking shower also known as my son was surviving:¬† he hasn’t quite drawn the cause/effect nature of running around like a banshee despite the heat and feeling ucky.

Yesterday I wondered:¬† if God decided to come walk among us this day, would God show up for service at NFC on this hot day?¬† My first impression of what God would say:¬† “You want me to hang out in here?¬† I’m gonna be out at Tilikum in the shade fishing.¬† Y’all can melt if you that’s what you really want to do - I’ll catch ya later in the cooler parts of the ‘berg.”

Perhaps some people had a very genuine worship experience:¬† I don’t want to negate that.¬† But I wonder . . . if almost every year it’s blazing on this Sunday, and we know that the room will be packed with out-of-towners, and we’re seeking to be a church living in response to God rather than ritual . . . why are we so determined (or one might say bone-headed) to continue to meet as we have?

Part of me says things like this shouldn’t bother me:¬† I should be able to enter into worship despite conditions.¬† One person even said that God doesn’t feel the heat:¬† haha.

But part of me sees it as an opportunity to do something else.¬† What if we met differently?¬† What if we had one big gathering at Bauman or lots of little gatherings in air conditioned parts of the church?¬† What if we encouraged our folks to connect with folks at the Yearly Meeting gathering and invite them into their homes or go out to breakfast:¬† to fellowship together?¬† People would ask why:¬† they might have a hard time understanding what was going on. ¬† But wouldn’t that help us talk - discuss - engage - communicate - be in relationship?

What if we used these conditions as an opportunity rather than a detraction?

What will the next year hold?  Probably more of the same:  but next year you may find me dipping my toes in the lake at Tilikum with God instead of sticking to a wooden pew in a Godly fashion.

“Frustration is a catalyst for release. The very thing you are frustrated about is the thing you get to release. Do it privately first and publicly second. Frustration is always about increasing or level of intercession. You need to come into the Throne Room and start interceding for the very thing you are frustrated about. If you are feeling it (frustration is a message from God), then it is your responsibility to pray about it. Frustration then is about an open door.” - Graham Cooke

Our Yearly Meeting Sessions are coming up. Words I often hear associated with it: community, gathering, exciting, frustrating. This session could be particularly challenging as we’re looking at restructuring the organization: boards, reps, etc. I would dare say that Quakes don’t tend to deal with change well (and we usually don’t have to change; one person will voice their concern, and due to conflicting interpretations of the process of consensus, the whole motion comes to a screeching halt): this could be a tricky time.

“Churches (Yearly Meetings) go through pruning times as well. There are times it has to lay all its programs on the altar and ask God, ‘Are you still okay with all of this?’ Frustration makes us desperate to do this properly — to prepare ourselves well. And when you hear from the Lord what He wants to release, then you need to start praying that response. Then you need to ask the Lord to help you with your planning: how do we prepare the way of the Lord right now?” - G.C.

While the gathering begins tomorrow, it’s never too late to start interceeding regarding your frustrations: special treat, eh?
Using a favorite prayer of Saint Anne, “Help me (us) help me (us)” and “Please please please.”

Yesterday at our worship gathering we watched a dramatic presentation of the book of Micah:¬† not necessarily a Hallmark, touchy-feely event.¬† As a church body we’ve been working through the book for the past couple of weeks, noting that there’s some hard stuff dealt with (condemnation’s rarely easy), but that there’s also a message of hope and deliverance.
While the Israelites probably didn’t have a multiple readers (much less a boy and girl both reading the parts of God and Micah) or choreographed movements, they did intend for their Scriptures to be read outloud, and I can understand why.¬† Man, it was hard to avoid the reality of the events:¬† the blatent turning away from God that Judah and Israel performed, the harsh pronouncements of judgment, the pain and suffering that was coming no matter how hard they tried to squirm out of it.¬† I squirmed in my seat a number of times, wanting to get up and leave as they actors chanted, “Doom.¬† Doom.¬† Doom.”

At the end of service, Gregg shared hope that came out of Micah:  a promised Deliverer whose reality we live in today.  We offered up words of hope and experience.

While I think it was good, though uncomfortable, to experience this, I wonder if there should’ve been more words offered giving background context - not so much on the book of Micah (we’ve gotten that), but on the purpose of the prophetic books . . . in society today.¬† See, I’ve sensed that the days of the Doom and Gloom prophets have set:¬† this seems to be a pre-Christ thing.¬† Now that Christ has come and we are called ot live in the Kingdom of God *now*, it doesn’t seem that such voices are accurate: they contain truth, but it’s truth viewed through an Old Testament/pre-Christ lens.

I couldn’t pinpoint my dis-ease until a Friend stood up and shared, “In Christ, there is no condemnation!”¬† and my heart rang out with a hearty, “YES!!!”¬† We have been put into Christ; our sins forgiven.¬† We are called to walk a different path, live a different life, sit at the feet of God and allow Him to redeem and transform us.

So, where do the Old Testament prophetic voices fit into our lives today?  What do prophetic voices of today sound like?  Do I know how to listen for the right voice?  Am I faithful to respond?

It’s afternoon-time:¬† my little Mover & Shaker is down for a nap, and while I’d like to avoid working on my Yearly Meeting workshops by reading a Fluff Book or watching the E! True Hollywood Story on Desperate Housewives, I couldn’t handle the restless tension anymore - must. sit. think. write. prepare.¬† (underlying motivation:¬† must. not. look. like. boob. when. facilitating. workshop.).

And while I feel somewhat saturated with thoughts and experiences, of both mine and others, the white canvas of NeoOffice seemed very threatening and overwhelming.¬† Sometimes I just need a little distraction, so while compiling notecards (just like my 11A teacher taught me to do when working on a project:¬† she’d be so proud:¬† I’m such an English geek), I listened to an Emergent podcast of Tony Jones and Doug Pagitt (who has a few blogs:¬† what is it my dad says?¬† Gross excess is only half enough?¬† ) sitting at Chipotle talking about Emergent ’stuff’.¬† I’m not so surprised about the location:¬† I mean, how can one talk about our response to God’s callings in present day culture without a quality amount of guac present?¬†
At two points Tony and Doug talk about their experience as authors:¬† as folks receive the writings, many have looked beyond the words to the authors, somewhat ‘dehumanizing’ them to be a concept or an idea rather than a person.¬† It reminded me of my weekend.

This weekend I had the chance to meet some a) fellow Quakers and 2) fellow bloggers.¬† A little over a year ago I began a ‘real blog’ - a place to share non-Mama thoughts (or at least not go into the graphic details of how much my infant son yarfed that day) and to connect with other Quakers.¬† And honestly, at that time, I was thinking solely of Christ-centered, evangelical Quakers:¬† you know, people just like me!

And I did connect with people like me, but they didn’t look how I expected.¬† In fact, the folks I’ve engaged in the best discussions with on how to respond to the calling of the Spirit have been folks coming from non-evangelical Quaker backgrounds.¬† It’s so easy to group people:¬† folks from FGC are like this, folks from EFI are like this.¬† And yet, that’s so truly dehumanizing.¬† Only when we come into true relationship and conversation with each other can we see each other as God intended:¬† God’s blessed creations.

So thanks, convergent f/Friends for sharing of yourselves.¬† I’m so glad to have met *you*:¬† not an idea or a thought or a generalization of you, but the real you.¬† Blessings to you all in the continued journey.

Ps.¬† Gregg, while you blogged your picture sooner than I did, Jason had this one up on Flickr that evening.¬† I think I win:¬† you decide the prize (one year without being called out during service?¬† A Judah-free night?¬† Sugar-free Moose Tracks ice cream?¬† All-expenses paid trip to the next ETC?¬† I’m easy).¬†

“No one who has not tried it would believe how many difficulties are cleared out of a man’s road by the simple act of trying to follow Christ.”¬† ~Alexander Maclaren

I have a calendar in My Room (i.e. the room I pretend I do work in, but in reality I sit at the kitchen table because certain individuals/creatures all like to come into My Room and take it apart while I’m working):¬† I inherited it from my mom when I took her job at Fox.¬† She inherited it from Gregg’s mom when she took her position at Fox.¬† Oh, the little community we live in.

At any rate, the calendar is one of those inspirational calendars where you flip a page a day and it has a verse and a quote:¬† reusable because it doesn’t have the day of the week or the year.¬† Most mornings I casually flip it, more because the anal side of me wants to be on the correct day rather than to glean its wisdom.¬† This morning, though, the above quote caught my eye, particularly the phrase “simple act of trying to follow Christ.”
Is following Christ a simple act?¬† Then why is it so hard sometimes?¬† I guess ’simple’ and ‘easy’ don’t always go hand in hand, eh?

And am I truly trying to follow Christ?  Or am I trying to follow people who I think are trying to follow Christ?  George Fox, Brian McLaren, Andrew Jones, Graham Cooke, my parents?  Myself? . . .

The writings of early Quakers seem to communicate that they didn’t desire folks to follow them exactly, but rather to follow the truth behind their actions:¬† a response to ‘primitive Christianity’ - to Christ.¬† And primitive Christianity, well, it seems like when they weren’t following Christ, they got bogged down in labels (Hebrew versus Greek) and rituals (circumcised versus uncircumcised):¬† when they were truly following Christ, they were able to shake the government to its very core.
So, where does spending time analyzing and critiquing movements such as Quakerism and the Emerging church fall into that?  Does that help or detract from the simple act of trying to follow Christ?

A NonConformist Splat!

I love to read the very book
That other kids ignore.
I therefore read the phone book
From Abbott to Zymore.

I never watch the TV shows
That all my friends must see,
I watch the weather channel
Till eleven thirty-three!

And when I hear of big events
Where the massive crowds have gone,
I always hurry somewhere else
So I can be alone.

Because my friends refused to jump
Off of a cliff today,
I, the nonconformist, jumped
I’m very proud to sa . . . a. . . a. .¬† . a. . . .a. . . .a . . . a. . . ay.

Conformity, what’s that?
Good grief . . . help . . . splat!

~Calvin Miller

I’ve heard a lot about being counter-cultural today.¬† Many topics are fantastic:¬† spending money responsibly, being wise stewards of our resources, getting unplugged from advertising, not being part of the American consumer machine, going organic/biodiesel/community-conscious.¬† But sometimes our zealousness in being nonconformist can contain the same elements of conformity:¬† doing things of our own desire/will power/control, not thinking about the longterm effects, not taking into consideration the Spirit’s desires.

• If I decide to buy all organic, my grocery bill would probably increase:¬† would I be able to give as much to causes I feel compassion for?

• If I decide to wear Quaker-gray, would I be seen more for my actions rather than my self?¬† I.e., would I be putting up barriers against folks, seeming to be not as approachable?

• If I biked everywhere, I wouldn’t be out and about in my hometown nearly as much:¬† would I still have the level of friendship with folks who work in Newberg?

So, neither here nor there, eh?¬† So where do we go?¬† I’m not advocating for conformity or nonconformity; rather, I’m reminding us to be sensitive to the proddings of the Spirit.¬† Even if something’s good, when we do it of our own power without God’s leading, it has the potential of going splat.