Aj Schwanz

Yesterday, after having sat in the dentist’s chair for 2.5 hours in a procedure that has required multiple visits and an endodontist and STILL isn’t done, I was kinda done with my day.¬† Yes, many hours remained, but the desire to be productive was drilled away with my temporary filling.

When a day like this occurs, the hardest hour is from 4-5, the hour before my husband comes home.¬† For some reason having another individual around gives me a second wind, or at least gives me assurance that I have some back-up in the parenting department.¬† I think many mothers feel this way, hence the Oprah Show being on at that dreaded hour - aimed at women, sometimes a little stimulating, but at least it’s distracting.¬† I only turn to Oprah in true hours of desperation - yesterday was one of those days.

Except it was not a fun show - nobody won any cars, Rachael Ray didn’t make a guest appearance to engage in lushyness with Oprah, no celebrities broke down talking about “how hard their lives are.”¬† No, this was one of her “true life” episodes focusing on “real people,” and those real people happened to be women (specifically moms) who hated themselves.¬† One was anorexic, one was an overeater, and though they looked different at night and day, Oprah’s doctor/specialist of the season said their problem stemmed from the same element:¬† self-hatred.¬† Apparently when asked what is missing from their lives, the number one things said by Americans is “love of self.”¬† Oprah spouted off a number of ways self-hatred manifests:¬† anorexia, over-drinking, over-eating, over-spending, gambling, gossiping.¬† I couldn’t help but thinking, “Where have I heard a list of these compiled before?¬† Oh yeah, Scriptures.”¬† Hmmm.

What Oprah really whanged on these women was regarding the effects on their children, how their attitudes and actions dramatically affect and shape their children’s future.¬† Wow:¬† throw on the guilt - very helpful.¬† I suppose for some it could be, but for myself, knowing those nasty little things I can’t or don’t know how to change, it pushes me further towards self-hatred, and the spiral deepens.

It’s hard for folks to get help.¬† “Life gets in the way.”¬† “I’m so busy.”¬† “I can’t afford counseling.”¬† “It didn’t work last time; why would it work now?”¬† But for one group, this is very true - for moms, particularly of young tots.¬† I wonder how I’m called to get help as well as make resources available to folks - for support, for prayer, for healing, for wholeness.

As Mother’s Day comes upon us, would you take a look around with me?¬† To talk with God about your love or hatred of yourself?¬† To ask the Spirit who you might be able to walk with towards the love of Christ?¬† It seems like such a small thing, but lately that’s where I see God moving:¬† the little details, the casual conversations, the small gifts - I just have to keep my eyes and ears open.