Aj Schwanz

The lifestyle of schizoid Christians is erratic because at different moments we deliberately separate ourselves from our real selves. We hug certain events, experiences, and relationships to ourselves and exclude the presence of the indwelling Spirit. It may be a movie, a conversation, an illicit love affair, or a business transaction. Later, we re-entere the self that calls itself Christian and take part in events where God is celebrated in speech and song. Afterward we confide to friends, “Worship was kind of flat tonight.”

I recently wrote of my frustration at being able to pay attention well to anything around me: my mind seems to be going in so many different directions. In discussions with my husband I’ve commented, “There’s got to be more to this! There should be a rhythm, a way to breathe the same in worship and at the store and at the dinnfer table . . . or at least to acknowledge that the air/spirit is the same.”

When we periodically close ourselves off from God, our hearts are touched by the icy fingers of agnosticism. Christian agnosticism does not consist so much in the denial of a personal God as in the unbelief of inattention to the sacred. The way we live bears unmistakable witness to our loving awareness or lack of it. Brennan Manning, The Importance of Being Foolish

So, how to live in such a way that life bears unmistakable witness to my loving awareness of the attention to the sacred? When the daily consists of feeding, changing diapers, cleaning up messes, reading books, and playing with stacking cups; and the unusual consists of getting a root canal from a specialist and trying to figure out what to do with a vcr that crapped out? Can an air of holiness surround all these activities?