Aj Schwanz

A couple of weeks ago an experience in church brought me to write about Quakers and sacraments (focusing on rules/expressions vs. focusing on the intent behind rules/expressions). I thought my frustration was a generational thing, i.e. me being a punk young adult. But a woman in my small group voiced similar thoughts, commenting “It’s just rules. And God’s taught me that God works through relationships, not rules.”

Lately I’ve been thinking about recovery programs. Somewhere recently I read a comment about how folks in recovery programs are some of the few people who live holistic lives: they have to in order to recover – compartmentalizing helped get them in the bad place. I’ve read a few blogs that are focused on recovery, and man: they have some heavy, weighty, quality things to say.

Tonight in small group that same woman spoke to me, asking if I knew anything about 12 Step programs, because she felt like she might want to experience one. Kindred spirits we are, eh? Or perhaps attuned to the same God murmurs.

This woman is one of my favorite people, one who gives me such hope. She’s of the same generation as my grandparents, and every week in group she talks about what God’s teaching her. She listens so intentionally all the time: hasn’t He taught her everything yet?!! I’m so happy to hear that there are older folks who are still listening to God, still being taught by God, and still have such a fresh outlook on life and love: I could be like that, too!

We both have expressed how we struggle with *knowing*, with *faith*, with trying to truly hear God’s direction and call for us. I found a quote from Madeleine L’Engle, another kindred spirit, who I think sums up some of our experience quite nicely.

I do not think that I will ever reach a stage when I will say, “This is what I believe. Finished.” What I believe is alive… and open to growth.

Thank you, kindred friends.