Aj Schwanz

Many of us have control issues: I can say that, because I am one of those many people (don’t try to hide: I know where you go to organize your DVDs by genre and then by title or organize your sock drawer by thickness and then color). That’s one of my problems with God: I believe I could do God’s job, and better. If God will tell me where to go - what my end destination or goal is -, I’ll just get myself there. And I’ll decide when to do it, how, and who I’ll take with me.

After 28 years, I’m catching onto a glimmer that this *might* not be the way things work.

So since this Superiority Complex does not function well in reality, why not take it to a virtual reality? God bless the American creative spirit:

Imagine if you could create the church you wanted, any way you wanted.

Put together a worship service exactly the way YOU want: hymns, no hymns, drums, no drums. Are you from Wisconsin, start Polka Mass! Start a building campaign, ask for donations.

One of my favorite “options”:

Choose a denomination (Lutheran, Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal plus many more obscure factions and a brand new emergent plug-in)

HA!

Oh, the havoc I could wreak: making people do my . . . I mean “God’s” will the way I . . . uh . . . “God” wants them to.

HT

I wonder for cheap therapy’s sake if we should require all pastoral offices to have a set of blocks and a bunch of peoples: I think it could do all of us a world of good for them to do some “role/God playing.”

Then again . . . if things aren’t so “peachy” at your church, maybe not. As a kid, my dad used to bury his plastic soldiers if they were “killed” in battle*; depending on the current church climate, those peoples could disappear right fast! Maybe therapy is cheaper . . .

*My dad buried them because the toys were “dead.” My brother and I have tried to reason with him that they were plastic. To which he responded: “Yes. *Dead* plastic.” It never works to try and reason with a only-child chemical engineer.

Jason’s family has an abnormal number of “PK”s in it — “PK” meaning preacher’s kid. Grandparents and parents and and aunts and uncles and all sorts of different relations in his family have put in their time in ecclesiastical leadership. His sister found a site, PKI, and I believe she ordered this shirt.

I don’t have such a site for my situation, but even so, I think I’d need more than a shirt.

I’m an SK - a superintendent’s kid. Well, *former* SK - I’m now a APK (associate pastor - still no shirt). My dad served as the superintendent for the Northwest Yearly Meeting of Friends churches. Northwest Yearly Meeting is the regional gathering/district for evangelical Quaker churches in Oregon/Idaho/Washington. How did my pappy end up there when his college degree is in chemical engineering? It’s a long story; but needless to say, he’s put the days of managing chemical waste dump sites behind him and now navigates the waters of spiritual formation (which also has dump sites, but they tend to be of a different nature).

Tonight I’ve been wondering why people feel called to such roles such as pastor or superintendent. They generally say “God placed a call on my heart.” If that’s so, then my view of God’s a bit on the downside because a God who does that seems mean.

As an SK, I’ve had some amazing opportunities: I’ve met more people that I could imagine, I’ve heard and experienced some amazing things that I knew about because I was exposed to certain circles. But I’ve also dealt with a lot of crap. PKs have it hard: everyone in the church knows their business. For an SK, multiply that by a lot more. It’s similar to how you have an opinion about your own state governor, but not necessarily about the governor four states over from you. But you, the folks four states over, *and* everyone else in between has an opinion about the president: and most likely they’ll let you know about it.

I think tonight I’m grieving some. Both my yearly meeting and my local worship gathering are undergoing changes, and as the current superintendent said, “Change doesn’t always feel good.” For a long time, I didn’t consider one church building to be my home, but rather I considered the yearly meeting to be my worship gathering: I knew people and had friends and worshiped Christ in so many different areas. The proposed change is going to be good . . . if people will let it come about. But there will also be sadness as some things fall away, and I think my previous relationship to the YM makes me more sensitive to the overall demeanor. And there will be the desire of folks to pick at the structure and wording and teeny tiny itty bitty things that in the long run will all fall away and won’t have helped us keep our eyes on Christ one bit more because we were too focused on trying to control and manage and own. . . and that makes me sad.

And with my local worship gathering: it’s no secret that I’m a Gregg-fan. Heck, I’ve followed him to two different states! In fact, I’m thinking of making a Gregghead bumper sticker and slapping in on a VW bus . . . no, wait: that’s my *brother* who lives in Deadhead country, not me. Quakers generally don’t vote but rather “come to consensus” . . . and yet I’d say our church votes — with our dollars. When the elders and Gregg presented the congregation with the results of this year’s budget, there was a backlash. . . and some of it got personal.

I’m sad for the grief my friend is going through: I’ve personally seen the toll it takes. I’m particularly sad for his family: it sucks to watch your Dad go through something like that, and it sucks for everyone you’re around to know. When things were bad for Dad at the engineering office, the only way I knew is that he seemed a little somber. But PKs/SKs know and live with and around the badness that their parents are dealing with.

I can’t tell you how many bitter and angry PKs I know: people who harbor great anger towards the institutional church because they’ve seen the grief, pain, and suffering Christians have inflicted on their parents. I also know many PKs who love the church despite the negative stuff, but it took a bit of healing on their part.

Why is this such a prevelant experience for PKs? Part of me wonders if its because pastors are called to/put in positions that were never meant to exist: no one was meant to serve in that sort of capacity in ministry. Gregg recognizes that he cannot serve in all the roles that are tied to the current head pastor job description. And yet when he said that to our congregation, people have said all of that is necessary to “keep in touch with ‘the people’”. He’s gonna lose touch real quick if he burns out just like hundreds other pastors, much like a part in an engine that “kinda fits, but not really.”

So, if the pastors are there because God placed a call on their heart, and the role of a pastor is defunct . . . did they miss God’s call? Does God call people to dysfunctional roles? Why would God call people with young families to a position that absorbs so much of their lives? Honest questions - not meant to accuse, demean, or criticize anyone’s experience. I’m in an open, pondering mood, needing insight from folks who’s “walked the walk.”

Comments from my previous post “The NextGen of Women in Leadership”

One of the keys is that men will also have to be free to teach a class and then come home and snuggle with the baby while the mother is out leading her class. Fathers will have sit out a few things because their children canít handle it. ~Robin M.

For those who are called and gifted by God, we must remove the cultural barriers to their eager response. Neither male or female leaders in the church should ignore family responsibilities either. Balance is a key to a fulfilled life. ~Keith

I’ve been thinking about balance a lot as of late: balancing my roles as wife/mother/writer/leader/child of God; balancing my time between working/playing/planning/resting (the later is definitely notsobalanced); balancing time in community/online/in silence. It seems that God works in realms of balance. My son has had some problems with his skin, and I keep wondering what they did in the “days of yore” when they couldn’t go to Freddies and pick up a tube of magic ointment. Engaging in my Mama Reference Librarian skills, I’ve found a lot of recommended natural remedies online: it seems that when there’s yuck, like skin problems, there’s a balancing goodness provided in nature . . . sometimes.

That balance, or flow, seems to be necessary in our lives, our ministries, our relationships, our inner selves. This is why the comments by Robin and Keith strike such a deep chord with me.

Miroslav Volf writes in Exclusion and Embrace:

To find peace, people with self-enclosed identities need to open themselves for one another and give themselves to one another, yet without loss of the self or domination of the other.

What does that look like in ministry?

” . . . the affirmation of the equal dignity of genders, the symmetry in construction of gender identities, and the presence of the other in the self — all of this is kept in motion by self-giving love. Though the goal of self-giving is the mutuality of perfect love, the road toward this goal in a world of enmity often leads through the narrow paths of one-sided giving of the self for the other. The model for the goal is the eternal embrace of divine persons; the model for the difficult road toward the goal is Christ’s embrace of sinful humanity on the cross” (190).

I’m not going to pretend I have a steady grasp on this. But look at these words:

• symmetry
• motion
• self-giving love
• mutuality
• perfect love
• eternal embrace
• Christ’s embrace

That’s stuff I want to be a part of. Shouldn’t this be descriptive of my daily life? How would my life have to flow to look like this? . . .

Excellent comments, folks! I greatly appreciate your views on women’s roles (and lack of presence) in church at the moment.

I do agree that much of the emerging church is not focused on “up-front” roles - and yet those are the ones that get the most ‘press.’

It is hard for young women, especially young mothers, to break away. I just went on vacation with my in-laws, and there were many events I chose to sit out because I knew my son wouldn’t be able to handle it.

I was talking with my father-in-law, and he’s voiced an interest in having a “Mutuality in Emerging Leadership” conference. He talked about seminary women he knows who should get out there: women pastors who had husbands who stayed home or had folks to help watch their kids - their congregations were understanding when they were pregnant and on bedrest or had other family emergencies. He said there needs to be more cases like that - let’s free the women to be out there every day leading!

Part of me greatly resonated with that: his experience is with a religious tradition that is in much need of such action. But part of me rumbled: what if I don’t *want* to be away from my family? What if I want to lead but also want to be a stay-at-home mom? Hearing him say women *should* be out there seemed along the same vein as saying women *shouldn’t* be out there - yet another man saying what should and shouldn’t happen without really lending weight to individual calling from God (could it be a balance perhaps?). I don’t believe this is what my father-in-law intended, but my sensitive spirit ran a bit further with implications.

This morning I taught a lesson on Blessings to our Women’s Bible Study Fellowship: I was able to speak words and experiences that God gave me while my bebe romped in the nursery for two hours. Then we came home and had snuggle time. He took a nap; I read “Exclusion and Embrace.” Right now as I type this sitting on the floor, he’s resting his head on my hand staring at the screen. I love following my God-given call: to minister to my worship gathering AND to be a mom. It’s a tricky walk - but daily God’s guidence gives me the ability to walk straight. My leading probably won’t look like a typical evangelical male pastor, but that doesn’t make it any less worthy. So, are we looking in the right places for women leaders?

On a similar note, Generous Orthodoxy Think Tank is hosting a Blog Book Club on Women in the Theological Academy. Could be interesting.

HT

“Man always travels along precipices. His truest obligation is to keep his balance.”
~Pope John Paul II

My father-in-law emailed me today a line-up of the Emerging Church Track schedule for the upcoming National Pastors Convention: he and my mother-in-law may be attending.

Here’s what he sent me:

Critical Concerns Course

The Emerging Church: Theology and Practice, Multiple Perspectives on the Issues
John Burke, Dan Kimball, Doug Pagitt, Tony Jones, Scot McKnight, LeRon Shults, and Ryan Bolger

“The Emerging Church” has exploded on the church scene over the past few years with major media like the New York Times, ABC, PBS, and Christianity Today carrying lead stories on this phenomenon. Media coverage, book publishing, blogsites, and conference events have created a flurry of response, both for and against the movement, that has resulted in praise, criticism, and misunderstanding of how its theology and practice will impact the future of the church. Is it a movement or a conversation? Is it dangerous or the church’s last hope?

This CCC will take an in-depth look at these issues from multiple perspectives from key pastors and professors inside and outside the emerging church. You will hear candid presentations and responses from each of the speakers as well as have time to ask questions and dialogue with the presenters.

Does anything strike you as a bit off?

Perhaps it’s due to the fact that I’ve been editing material geared towards equiping folks to support, affirm, and encourage women in church leadership roles.

Perhaps it’s due to the fact that I was raised up North (that’s Yankee territory to my southern relatives) in Idaho where I never had guys open doors for me or heard the phrase “that’s women’s business.”

Perhaps it’s due to the fact that I’ve been brought up a Quaker and have whomped guys and gals just as easily in a game of Bloody Wink’em at countless summer camps.

WHERE’S THE CHICKS? Where are my double-x-totin’ homies? I know we’re out there . . . . but why aren’t we speaking at the National Pastor’s Convention?

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying the sole focus should be getting more women in up-front, visible ministry — but shouldn’t it be more obvious that there’s a balance of the genders in leadership? Each group has strengths and weaknesses that compliment each other: if that equal representation is lacking, I fear that emerging movement will be “second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder, and a little bit worse.”

I told my father-in-law that in order to help even things out that he should take me. with him to the convention Hmmm: he didn’t seem to get back to me about that email . . .

In high school and college I went on many a Serve Day, service project - some sort of organized activity where we went and helped out folks in the community. It always seemed kind of trite to me: I was ususally trying to help someone out in ways a) I didn’t understand how it would help or 2) I wasn’t good at doing. I understood the purpose, but it didn’t seem a very real or authentic way for me to give of myself.

Favorville.com is a social networking tool which provides members with the opportunity to help and be helped by others. With Favorville, members can post help requests, offer help and help grow the community. Favorville makes it easy to get in touch and build lasting connections with helpful neighbors, both in your locale or across the global village.

I like how this site encourages the building of community - something that was lacking in my experiences of service as a youth. I wonder if it will truly take off . . .

Isn’t this pretty much what the church is called to do? I wonder what it would look like if it was put on by a church - would strings be attached, or would it be serving for the sake of serving. Would the church be willing to air out areas they need a favor, or would they be a little *too* willing?

Man, technology’s great — if it can truly reach those who need help.

Iíve been editing a project, and one of the topics touched on is Alternative Images of the Trinity. Iíve never spent much time thinking about the three-in-one: itís something a little more supernatural than my Enlightenment Scientific Revolution mind knows how to grasp.

So my friend Google Images and I teamed up to see whatís out there. My typical medium, both for engaging, understanding, and communicating, is words; but by engaging other modes of expression, Iím finding a more complete experience. And some of these images are just breath-taking.

[Note: due to the popularity of The Matrix, it's helpful to search for "Holy Trinity" - not "black leather-wearing Trinity"].

Classic Trinity

More Contemporary Trinity

Catholic Trinity

Plastic Trinity

Greek Orthodox Trinity

“Holy Trinity Church”

Thomasene Tradition Trinity

Greco Trinity

Ethiopian Trinity

Superhero Trinity

Holy Trinity Cathedral in Kosovo

Contemporary Stained Glass Trinity

Liturgical Trinity

Trinity Knot

Orthodox Mother Trinity

What’s your favorite expression or impression of the Trinity? What’s been most helpful or meaningful to you?

What strikes you about this?
What’s great?
What’s uncomfortable?
Where are you challenged?

Decisions That Define Us

Decisions that we make help determine who we are, what we think, and how we live. In order to be a people that turn the world upside down (Acts 17:6) we have made the following decisions:
Decisions that define us…

• We have decided that teaching the Gospel without demonstrating the gospel is not enough. Good preaching, good doctrine, and being good people is not enough.
• We have decided that having a good church club is not enough, good fellowship is not enough, and just being a member of that club is not enough.
• We have decided that having good Bible studies is good, but not good enough, that just making it to heaven is not our goal, and that knowing about God without truly knowing and experiencing God is meaningless.
• We have decided that having good programs is not enough; that change without transformation is intolerable, and that staying the same is not an option.
• We have decided that gifting without character is futile.
• We have decided that singing songs without worshiping is hallow and having meetings without God showing up is pointless.
• We have decided that having faith without works is not enough and having works without love is not acceptable - that our function comes out of our relationship first with the Father and second with each other.
• We have decided that reading about the book of Acts without living the book of Acts is unthinkable.
• We have decided that confident faith is good and bold faith is better.
• We have decided that hearing about the Holy Spirit without experiencing Him is silly, that believing in His presence without seeing It manifested in signs and wonders is hypocrisy, that believing in healing without seeing people healed is absurd, and that believing in deliverance without people being delivered is absolutely ridiculous.
• We have decided to be Holy Spirit filled, Holy Spirit led, and Holy Spirit empowered - anything less doesn’t work for us.
• We have decided to be the ones telling the stories of God’s power - not the ones hearing about them.
• We have decided that living saved, but not supernatural is living below our privilege and short of what Christ died for.
• We have decided that we are a battle ship not a cruise ship, an army, not an audience; Special forces not spectators, missionaries not club members.
• We have decided to value both pioneers and settlers - pioneers to expand our territory and settlers to build on those territories - but we are not squatters - people who take up space others have fought for without improving it.
• We have decided to be infectious instead of innocuous, contagious instead of quarantined, deadly instead of benign.
• We have decided to be radical lovers and outrageous givers.
• We have decided that we are a mission station and not a museum

Therefore:

1. We honor the past - we don’t live in it.

2. We live in the present with our eyes on the future.

3. We see past events - successes and failures - as stepping-stones not stop signs.

4. We pursue learning in order to be transformed, not learning in order to know.

5. We are people of engagement not observation.

6. We focus on what could be, not on what is or has been.

7. We are not limited to the four walls of this building. Our influence is not restricted by location - Not even the nations are out of bounds.

8. We are more concerned about how many we send out into the world than how many we convince to come into the building. This building is meant to be filled and it will be - but it will not be the measure of who we are or the measure of our effectiveness.

9. We raise up world changers - not tour guides. We train commandos, not committees.

10. We are a people of our destiny, not of our history.

• We have decided that it is better to fail while reaching for the impossible that God has planned for us than succeed settling for less.
• We have decided that nothing short of His Kingdom come, His will be done in our world as it is in Heaven will satisfy.
• We have decided that we will not be satisfied until our world freaks out and cries out “Those who have turned the world upside down have come here too.”

These are some of the decisions that define who we are as a community and how we live our lives

These decisions are not destinations - but rather journeys - journeys along an ancient path - we have not found some new way - but rather rediscovered the path as old as Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The same path followed by Moses, Joshua and Caleb - Paul, John, Peter.

The path followed by the first century church - a church that revolutionized the culture of the first century and beyond.

It is a path that will impact the world we live in today. It is a path of Bold Faith - believing that what God says is really true and acting on it; Outrageous Generosity - giving our life away in order to demonstrate His Kingdom; Radical Love - loving God with everything in us and our neighbor as ourselves.

It is a path of liberty, freedom, and healing.
On this path you find significance, purpose, and destiny.

This is a path less traveled - however
- it is not a path only available to a select few - but to whosoever will - may come.

It is for people of every nation, tribe and tongue -for those in any occupation or vocation.

No matter where you are in your life journey

- there is room on this path for you

What if you found out that it can be found under an About Us page for a church? The content isn’t details about location or times or denominational background. Decisions that Define Us: I wonder if I followed their lead what mine looks like . . .

[My pappy's been emailing this to folks who've been emailing this to folks - trouble's comin', I tell ya].

Okay, so the gauntlet has been thrown: the door has been opened, and thereís no going back. Someone *actually* asked me to talk about U2 - I didnít have to hint or subtly bring up topics involving ìIreland,î ìboys born around 1960,î or ìbass players who live in a castle that overlooks the school that they got kicked out of and who I intended to marry since high school because I was going to use his money to save Africa and in turn be a fantastic hostess and back stage manager so as to earn him more money so I could continue to spend it.î But Iím too busy to get into it: plus, the post is simmering - patience, grasshoppah (and the grasshoppah would be me: this is nothing to be rushed).

So instead I will tell you something I enjoyed engaging in most of the day. I was sitting [trapped: send for help! please!] at my computer, working on an editing project. No, that was not necessarily enjoyable, although there is something comforting about taking a formless document and creating bulleted and numbered lists: ah, cathartic.

BUT what I DID enjoy was this: Pandora. I read a fantastic blog called TechCrunch that talks about all the up and coming cool stuff happening on the web. Many times the items that are reviewed are in alpha or beta, so you have to get an invitation to participate. Iím SO an invitation junkie.

Michael Arrington reviewed a music product called Pandora: said itíd rock the way folks listen to music. So I sent for an invite. And I got one. And I was happy. But then Pandora said they were no longer going to be free. And I was sad. And then they recanted. And I was happy once again.

Pandora does this tricky thing: you can input a specific song, it somehow analyzes it, and then finds other songs that contain those same elements. For instance: I entered the song ìFeel Good INCî by Gorillaz. On that station Iíve heard Moody Blues, Jason Mraz, Backstreet Boys (and sorry: thatís not a problem for me), David Bowie, and Depeche Mode - LOTS of Depeche Mode. Itís been great! Iíve heard stuff by folks that I have know clue who they are, but I want to listen to more of their stuff.

You can share your station with others, let the folks know if the songs mesh with what you were looking for, and fast-forward and rewind. But the coolest thing: I have a Bing Crosby station — OUTSTANDING!

So see how cool it is to ask for an invite to something, even if you donít know what it is. I was particularly proud of myself because a friend asked Jason if I knew about it: Jason said no, but I informed him that I had been listening for months. I may be a stay-at-home mom, but Iím an internet-power-exec!

Has everyone engaged in their obligatory New Year’s Day listen? I certainly hope so.

New years are tricky things: the optimist looks forward to all the joys and newly-turned pages that are to be expected (some realistic, some not-so-much) while the pessimist wonders how soon it will be until they “botch” it, noting that nothing new is under the sun.

God’s calling the church forth this year, just as He lovingly and persistently does every year. The optimist might think it’s going to look completely new and out of the box and different than it’s ever been - they might be right. The pessimist might think that it’s just a passing fad, that folks are getting away from the core and foundational issues at hand - they might be right. It’s a fine line we walk, this new year. We’re dealing with a brand new world with age-old problems.

My mom sent me a quote from A.W. Tozer that speaks to this condition: it strikes to the core of the discomfort and unrest that many speak of, and yet it’s nothing new.

One marked difference between the faith of our fathers as conceived by the fathers and the same faith as understood and lived by their children is that the fathers were concerned with the root of the matter, while their present-day descendants seem concerned only with the fruit.

Our fathers looked well to the root of the tree and were willing to wait with patience for the fruit to appear. We demand the fruit immediately even though the root may be weak and knobby or missing altogether . Impatient Christians today explain away the simple beliefs of the saints of other days and smile off their serious-minded approach to God and sacred things. They were victims of their own limited religious outlook, but great and sturdy souls withal who managed to achieve a satisfying spiritual experience and do a lot of good in the world in spite of their handicapsÖ

ÖThe bough that breaks off from the tree in a storm may bloom briefly and give to the unthinking passer-by the impression that it is a healthy and fruitful branch, but its tender blossoms will soon perish and the bough itself wither and die. There is no lasting life apart from the root.

Much that passes for Christianity today is the brief bright effort of the severed branch to bring forth its fruit in its season. But the deep laws of life are against it. Preoccupation with appearances and a corresponding neglect of the out-of-sight root of the true spiritual life are prophetic signs which go unheeded. Immediate ìresultsî are all that matter, quick proofs of present success without a thought of next week or next yearÖThere is but one test for the religious leader: success. Everything is forgiven him except failureÖ.

The whole Bible and all the great saints of the past join to tell us the same thing. ìTake nothing for granted,î they say to us. ìGo back to the grass roots. Open your hearts and search the Scriptures. Bear your cross, follow your Lord and pay no heed to the passing religious vogue. The masses are always wrong. In every generation the number of the righteous is small. Be sure you are among them.î

From The Best of Tozer complied by Warren Wiersbe