Aj Schwanz

So today was a day of firsts at church:

• Jason, Judah, and I had our first picture taken for the directory.
• And I got the picture taken voluntarily! (Yes, Mom: voluntarily. Itís crazy what changes come about after birthing a person).
• I worked in the nursery. All parents ìgetî to watch kids at least once a quarter. Initially, I was going to go home while Jason did duty, but I knew that at home we had a dishwasher ready to be installed, and the church had a nursery where I could entertain Judah in a tool-free environment.
• I got to watch Judah play with a friendís kid who is two months older than Judah but is a wisp of a child next to my tank: I hope heís not bruised.
• Iím going to get to run a dishwasher tonight (i.e. there was a successful installation of an appliance in my home – something that didnít happen often in my ìnativeî home).
• And, I got the attention of all of second service directed at me as my pastor outed me for having a blog (bet you thought you were in the clear, huh, Gregg. Sorry – Iím German, Irish, *and* Scottish: weíre stubborn, vindictive folks – fun, but with a taint).

Anyone from NFC: greetings! Feel free to look around. I promise you: this blog isnít all critiquing Sunday morning service as *some* people implied – I do have a few other thoughts rolling around in my head . . . like critiquing Yearly Meeting sessions.

This outing got me in such a fluster that I missed a lot of the service because my internal blogger started writing with a fury: justifications, excuses. You can find those on my Xanga, along with a pretty picture of my pastor (remember that aforementioned vindictive thing?). I also walked into a pew and banged my knee up pretty well while trying to make a ìsmoothî exit to run to the bathroom – yeah, so much for being anonymous in the balcony.

See, my pastor was introducing some folks who were going to share about a short term mission trip they took to Nicaragua, and he kept calling them by the wrong last name: I know one was a maiden name, not sure about the other. If I donít remember much of the service, how do I know they went to Nicaragua, pray tell? Because he kept wanting to call it Guatemala, and I thought that was funny.

Which is what got me in trouble in the first place – the whole thinking his “goofs” are funny bit – , as he pointed to me and my husband in our balcony Seats of Anonymity, and told the congregation that we had weblogs that chronicled everything that he said incorrectly. The entire congregation: ack.

First of all: this blog is called Aj Schwanz – me, itís all about me!! Me me me!! Second of all, Gregg preached one of my most transformation-causing messages, talking about how God doesnít delete the bad stuff but rather transforms it into the best stuff ever. And so, I appreciate transforming what he thinks is ìbad stuffî into great object lessons for me (me me me).

So, this morning got me thinking about how hard it is to change, especially under stress – we revert back to ìold and comfortableî ways. Case in point: referring to a person whoís been married for a while by her maiden name. Iíve done that a lot – I get flustered on the phone and introduce myself by my former last name: it just slips out. I wonder what it takes for Christ to truly change me, to get rid of that ìold natureî? Is it a constant focusing on him, like *all the time*? Does it become a habit? What happens when I get under stress? How can I turn to Him rather than reverting back to old stuff?

Just some questions to ponder . . . and a pastor to pester (you were wrong: I didnít just blog about it – I did it *twice*!! Donít mess with the German/Scotch/Irish!).